I'll say some shit about shit.

This post is dedicated to the Fabulous Ne - who asked for a rant after reading my last one. I hope you enjoy.

What the hell is up with farmers. Seriously. Just because they wade tit deep in poo does that mean we ALL have to have shitty nipples?

Granted I do a lot of driving on country roads for work. Country roads means farms and farms means poo spreaders, it's a fact of life. This time of year the farmers are busy spreading poo all over their fields in preparation for next year.

I'm bombing along at about 90 klicks, when Shit Heels Cliff burns out from a farmers field onto the road pulling his shit spreader towed by a John Deer. No regards, just bombs out, didn't even look. Or maybe he did, he just wanted to fuck someone over. And that someone was me.

His manure spreader wasn't loaded with the benign grassy smelling cow poo. No, it wasn't cow poo at all. It was LIQUID CHICKEN AND PIG SHIT.

If you've ever smelled that stuff, it smells like death. I slumped in my seat and my head hit the horn. Shit Heels gave me the finger.

Fuck face made a sharp left turn back into the field, spraying liquid pig shit EVERYWHERE. My truck was covered. COVERED!

Let me repeat that. My BRAND NEW (to me) TRUCK THAT I WAS LUSTING OVER FOR YEARS AND FINALLY GOT WAS COVERED IN LIQUID SHIT.

Ok, you know what? Maybe you're a farmer. Maybe you LIKE rolling around in poo. Maybe you even eat the stuff, I don't know, whatever cranks your yank. I don't care. But just because you like it, doesn't mean everyone else does.

So, farmers, here's what's what.

Wipe that smirk off your face. You know the one. The farmers smirk. And while your at it, take that retarded sticker off your '79 Dodge Dakota. You know, 'farmers feed cities'. OH! What a brain yanker! Farmers feed cities, dentists clean teeth, doctors deliver babies - hey! Guess what! Cities PAY farmers. So I guess without cities there wouldn't be a need for farmers?

The roads are for EVERYONE. Yea, that land beside the road is yours, so friggin what. You, your shit spreader and John Deer tractor do 3 miles an hour. I'm doing 60 in my vehicle. It won't take me long to get past you at that speed, trust me.

You're paying for my brakes, you f*ckSh*t's.

Also, before you drive on the road, you MUST realize your shit spreaders, even though empty, STILL HAVE SHIT STUCK ON THEM. Wash that down before you leave another forty pounds of shit on the road to stick to everything that comes by. I don't throw my empty Tim Hortons cups on your front lawn, so have some DAMNED respect and KEEP YOUR POO OFF MY VEHICLE!

Thanks Shit Heels Cliff! I'm going to poo on your chest next time you're assleep.

Ass face.

Things I don't get.

The older I get, the less I know. Well, that's not true. I know more, a lot more. Of course, with adulthhood comes the shedding of the thick veil of egotism and ignorance that is childhood.

What I'm saying is I know more, but I also know just how much I don't know.

And there's a lot of things I just don't get.

Like feminazis. I don't understand how a woman can get rabid over 'equal rights', when what they really mean is women are more equal than men.

And bodily functions. I don't understand how anyone could NOT find a giant ass burner funny during Sunday service!

Speaking of the religious, what's with all the hatred? I mean, apparently god is a god of love, yet a southern baptist church thinks it's GOOD that someone got decapitated in my Country earlier this week. God's loving punishment for a Country full of heathens. WTF?

As most of my reader(s) are over the age of twenty-five, I'm sure they all remember being kids and actually respecting adults. I don't get it nowadays. It's not the kids foul language, disrespect, arrogance and extreme entitlement I don't get. It's the adults allowing and cultivating it. What the fuck happened?

And when the hell does a nail clipper transform into a weapon of mass destruction once it's transported onto an airplane? Come on guys, McGuyver wasn't actually real.

Hunters confuse me. Apparently they think that shooting an animal from 100 yards away with a high powered rifle is a manly thing. Actually, Grizzly hunting with a pen knife would make you a man. Playing real life Call of Duty with a completely defenseless animal makes you a coward, when you don't actually need to do it to survive. It's called a day job and a grocery store people, you have both.

During this holiday weekend, a family was stranded on the side of the road when police impounded the family minivan. The father was doing 160 km/h when he was pulled over, 60 km/h over the speed limit. The Ontario government made a HUGE deal of the new law that passed this JANUARY of the zero tolerance policy towards speeders exceeding the limit by 50 km/h. I'm confused by two things:
1. Do people think the government is joking?
2. Why the hell would you recklessly endanger not only everybody else, but your CHILDREN?

And why the hell does ANYBODY think Jerry Seinfeld is funny? Why is it called ovalteen it should be called roundtine HAHAHAH FUCKING HA! Everybody knows it was Kramer, Elaine and George that carried the show.

Why have we let big business become bigger than our government? We're raping the consumer of any scrap of common sense they had left, subjecting entire continents to abject poverty and running the planet into a barren waste dump all for a fucking arbitrary monetary unit of barter.
We are serious retards.

Why do chicks always go for complete douchebags that treat them like crap? It's almost like women enjoy being mentally, verbally and sometimes physically abused.

Also, why is what's yours hers and what's hers hers? Why does the courts almost always favour her when it's completely obvious he'll have to work two jobs for a crappy bachelor apartment and an '89 Civic that sometimes runs while she drives to the jewelry store in her new Lexus and the kids STILL need a bigger pair of jeans and a haircut?

How come managers are always the least qualified person in the office?

Ok, my 7 minute lunch break is over.

/End rant.

The Cure for Aids

Even if the scrutiny of the worlds eye has shifted from AIDS as a hot topic, it still runs rampant in the world. Despite our best efforts, it keeps spreading, growing and killing.

Africa especially is a hotbed for this disease. Lack of hospitals, doctors and prophylactics often mean sickness and death and sometimes these poor, frightened third world people don't even know why.

I'm just a simple engineering technologist, so I don't presume to be any sort of expert in the fight against aids, so take this next statement with a grain of salt.

We've been going about curing aids completely ass backwards, and I know how to cure aids.

You heard me, I have the cure for aids.

To date, all the "cure" efforts we've heard of have been a head on battle with the strengths of the virus. We haven't created any vaccines, and our best efforts at anti viral drugs are met with a limited success in suppression, but not elimination of the bug.

Going head to head with this virus is like pitting a chicken against a pit bull. Sure, the chicken might scratch the dogs nose, but the dogs going to win, period, end of story.

What needs to be done is not to battle its strengths, but to exploit its weaknesses.

The virus can only be spread by sex, or by exposure to tainted blood, and only if that blood can penetrate your skin.

Further, the virus cannot exist outside of the body.

Stop the spread of the virus, and within a generation aids will no longer exist.

This needs to be a worldwide effort. All monies being poured into research for a cure need to be redirected to a world wide effort to detect each and every individual that has aids. Those that do have aids must be forced to wear identification.

Laws will be such that will prohibit those with the HIV virus from having sexual activity with those who are not infected. Anyone caught breaking this law will be subject to a sentence of life imprisonment. Those who do drugs and share needles will also be sentenced to life in jail, as do those who refuse to take the HIV test.

Yes, this violates every human rights code in the book. But think about it; most reasonable people will willingly volunteer to end aids. Those who are not reasonable are also those inconsiderate enough to do things like drunk driving, and therefore are not a contributing member of society. Those who do not contribute to society have no business being in it.

So what do you think? Am I way off base? Will the planet earth ever be able to work cooperatively for just a single generation to eliminate a killer? Or am I an inconsiderate jerk for even proposing such an idea?

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Rants

It wasn't his fault.

It wasn't his fault.

That's the only thing I could think of when animal control lead him away.

It wasn't his fault.

We found him early this morning, hanging outside the offices. He was dusty, dirty, and hot. It appeared he'd been hanging around for sometime.

I held him by collar in the legal department and fed him some water from an empty cool whip container. He didn't have tags on. The ladies in legal searched the municipal database for a dog that matched his description, but to no avail.

The local animal control had to be called.

He sat with me at my desk, tongue hanging out and panting. He yearned to be petted, and when I did so I was rewarded with a lick, with a paw on my arm, and with a stare from his brown eyes, so full of soul and life.

And his fate was likely sealed when he was lead away.

I can't take him, I wish I could. Nobody in the city could take him.

You see, this friendly, handsome animal is part pit bull.

It was a sad series of events. It was because of a few bad owners who mistreated and mistrained their dogs. A few children got bit. Shrill shrieks and cries were aimed at city council, and in typical fashion council responded with a bullshit knee jerk by-law.

Now, every and all pit bulls are dangerous animals. Any pit bull, or any dog with pit bull in him. Regardless of a good owner, regardless of a decade of docile behavior, they were dangerous.

Registration costs soared to $250.00 yearly. Signs had to be put up on your property advising of a "dangerous animal." You can no longer breed them, and should they step outside your house they have to be muzzled. Lord help you if they get off your property and poop on your neighbors lawn.

My dog danced away, being lead by animal control to a new and exciting adventure, not knowing his fate was most likely death. I wish I could take him, but I cannot afford the stigma attached. Nobody can.

More people get bitten by retrievers and labs. Chiwawa's are naturally meaner. But it does not matter. A powerful dog being raised by a few criminally negligent people, and the entire breed must suffer for it. Innocent dogs are dying because of it.

The politicians that govern my city are nothing but filthy cowards vying for votes. They are murderers.

I want to scream, I want to put my fist though the wall. I want to put a stake through the heart of the cowardly politicians that pushed the by-law through. I want to eviscerate the asshole dog owners that abused their dogs until they became dangerous. I want to bring about justice for all the good dog owners who were unfairly separated from a loyal and faithful companion. I want justice for all the good dogs who's only crime wasn't their fault, but who paid for it anyways.

It wasn't his fault, it was ours.

But he's paying the price.

STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA

What the fuck is it with people and their STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA?

I have STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA at work.
I have STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA with my buddies fiance, BRIDEZILLA and her helmet special maid of honor.
I even have STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA on the motherfucking DOG PARK committee I sit on. IT'S A FUCKING DOGPARK FOR FUCKS SAKES!

People make shit up. They take things out of context. They lie, and pathologically lie to each other. They deceive each other, try to trick each other, and then when STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA invariably happens, they get ALL UPSET about it! Oh, oh, how did this happen?

*BITCHSLAP! What did you THINK was going to happen!

Ugh.

There's absolutely no need for bullshit drama. Keep your head, tell the truth, take things in context, and turn your BULLSHIT OFFENSE meter OFF. You know, the one where you take offense at EVERY FUCKING LITTLE THING!

Keeping STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA in mind, when Spazoid rules the world, STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA will be illegal.

Spazoid's laws will be three fold.

At the first sign of STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA, the parties causing the STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA will be immediately injected with sodium pentathol by the STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA police. For those of you who don't know what sodium pentathol is, it's the truth drug that interrogators use. If you can't lie, deceive, and twist shit, STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA is effectively nullified. I think. Regardless, those caught in the middle of STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA will be immediately compensated by garnishing the salaries of ALL guilty parties to the tune of 10% of their gross income. The victim of STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA will receive monies for no less than three months.

If the same party commits STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA again, they will spend an immediate six months in jail. No trial is offered.

For continued STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA, the perpetrators will be subject to an immediate full frontal lobotomy and they will be relegated to work at Wall Mart as a greeter.

No. I am not being harsh. Think about a world without STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA for a minute. I guarantee without it, humans would already be colonizing a terraformed Mars.

Seriously, think about it.

/Rant over.

=========

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Public Bathrooms Piss Me Off

A bathroom, to me, is a sanctuary. It's a place of solitude, a place of quite, a place for reflection, a place of relief. My best thinking is usually done one the can as I'm squeezing one out (I expect some shit head jokes. Go ahead, get it out of your system.)

In other words, for me a good trip to the bathroom is like a mini vacation. I can go in stressed and angry and come out happy and relaxed.

Because I place such high stock in bathrooms, public bathrooms are extra offensive to me.

I hate public bathrooms.

The Smell

When you walk into a bathroom, it should smell clean, airy and inviting. At best, public bathrooms smell like urine. At worst, some asshole sasquatch is grunting out a chocolate mud baby that smells like it crawled up there and died - three weeks ago.

The Sounds

Bathrooms are not meeting places. Bathrooms are for expelling wastes. Take your overly loud animated conversation outside. Now. Also, I realize that the bathroom is the best, and only place to make dookie (unless you're camping, where you MUST dig a hole, as shit does roll downhill). Regardless, would you please, PLEASE get more fibre in your diet or something? Machine gun flatulence is funny ONLY outside of my fortress of solitude. And that disgusting wet runny shotgun bum blast? Yea, that's what I want to hear on relaxation time. If you have a loud bum, buy an ass muffler, ok?

The Sights

We're all adults, right? Which means we should all know what goes where. Why are there piles of shredded paper towel under the dispenser? Pull some out, use it, put it in the garbage. It's that simple. If your home looks like that too, you're a fucking pig and should be hurt.

Some people must be balding - DOWN THERE. I had no idea that pubic hair shed so much and so fast. Seriously. With all the short curlies strewn about, you'd think that somebody was trying to grow a pubic chia pet or something.

People, when you shart, do at least one courtesy flush. A giant bum pow not only sounds nasty, it looks like somebody loaded a shotgun with poo and unloaded a few rounds on the back of the bowl. I don't want ANY part of my body that close to poo, that's just sick.

Also, the toilet has a flush lever for a purpose - to take your waste away. USE IT. When I see what looks like month old catfood and paper mixed with corn floating around the bowl, it makes me want to vomit.

If you INSIST on peeing in the poo bowl instead of the urinal, have some bloody respect and don't pee on the rim. I want to sit in urine almost as much as I want to sit on a cactus. If I ever catch somebody getting urine on the bowl, I WILL make them lick it up. Pricks.

If I ever rule the world, you can be sure that public rest rooms will be cleaner, safer, and more inviting places.

==============

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Dissapointment, and an Opinion

I was disappointed today.

One of my blogging heroes, V at Violent Acres, made a broad, sweeping generalization that smacks of ignorance for a person of her clear logic and rational intelligence.

She said:

The problem with Atheists is most of them are snobs.

She went onto describe them as "dumb" and "fighting a losing battle", amongst other things.

This doesn't particularly sound like something she would say in a rational state of mind. Generalizations like that are akin to saying "MOST Catholic priests diddle little boys", "MOST protestants gaybash and witchunt", or " MOST Sicilians are part of the mob".

In a repeating cycle, people from any one group who are at the fundamentalist end of the extreme are also the loudest. These are the people who want to make their arrogant and misguided views known to the world with as much muster and fanfare as they can possibly provide. Their voice does not represent the whole, rather, it makes the rest look bad. Most people are trying to live their lives, not host rallies and websites and posters that scream to the world "Everybody that believes anything other than we do are retards!"

People who spearhead fundamentalist and extreme, loud and obnoxious initiatives are all the same people; they are merely waving a different banner.

I do, however, have an opinion that can be construed as a broad, sweeping generalization.

I do believe that most people live for themselves, and work towards mostly their own interests. It's an evolved trait that's good for the survival of you or your own, but in this rapidly constructed "village" of millions and billions, there can be adverse effects.

For example, next election pay attention to what many people are saying around you. I bet it'll be something like "but this candidate is going to slash taxes, that's good." or "But this candidate will be giving us more money for child tax credit! I have six children, that's good! Vote for him!"

Very few people make statements concerning the policies that affect the good of the whole, unless it's a popular topic such as the environment. And that's only because it's a bandwagon opinion, and they're whole heartedly jumping on board (only after ensuring their candidate makes an election promise that benefits them directly).

Politicians cater to the people's whims. More so, they cater to the whims of the large conglomerates, and the large conglomerates want to ensure that the people are consumer whores. It benefits them, and what benefits them benefits the politicians.

In essence, an entitelist "not my fault" attitude is good for big business, and what's good for big business is good for the politicians. That attitude changes little among the first world, and you don't get much change between major parties, only superficial differences.

In the futuristic world of Robert A. Heinlein's Starship Troopers, the only people on Earth who are allowed to vote are people who are classed as "citizens". Sure, you can live your life without getting your citizenship. You can get a job, you can start a company, you can be the CEO of a major corporation and rake in billions of dollars if that's your aptitude. But unless you're a citizen, you can't vote.

Citizens are those who have served time in the military. Hard time. That's the only way you can get your citizenship, and that's the only way you will ever be allowed to vote.

The reason this system was instilled? Because those who have served time in the military are trained to think of the good of the whole above the good of themselves. That attitude is carried forward to the polls.

The world he created does not suffer from a draining social system, rampant frivolous lawsuits and a self centered attitude. The economy is strong, taxes are low, and people are happy. The only real threat to this planet comes from off of it, from an alien species.

Call me jaded, as good as this sounds, I don't think it will ever be possible to achieve. At least, not in the very near future.

Oh, and just for the record, the definition of atheist is as follows:

atheism is the absence of belief in deities

That's it, that's all. Anything further to that is the opinion of one person, or a group of people, and has no bearing on anyone else.

My personal feelings are a lack of empirical evidence, and the entirety of monotheistic religions claim they are correct and insist that everyone else is wrong. Accordingly, even the subsets of the same religion cannot agree; so which religion would I choose when all of them are as right, and as wrong as the next?

The answer is none of them.

At the same time, I cannot prove that said deities do not exist, and a particular religion is wrong. I believe that all have the right to practice what they believe, as long as it does not do any harm, physically or emotionally, to their own or to anyone else.

I believe in the RIGHT for anyone to uphold their own personal belief without harrasement.

And I expect the same from everyone else.

Yea, I was rambling, and I mixed in two different topics together. It's my blog and I'll do what I wanna!

==============

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Roadrage mother fucker!

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What the HELL is THAT?

Today, I used a communal digital camera to take some pictures. When downloading those pictures, I saw whoever had used the camera before me had taken some pictures of some UGLY people in some UGLY poses.

I'll admit, I'm in a mood today. And not a nice one. I'll probably regret this later, you know, in 50 years when I'm shitting myself in a nursing home, but my gentle readers are in for an extra special treat.

Today, I went to google images and searched for UGLY PEOPLE!

Here are some of the Gems I found. Let's take a look shall we?

The Alien.
Chick magnet is right! Is it just me, or did Dumbo the flying elephant have a love child with E.T? I don't think I have any words to describe the sexiness that is this alien bastard child. Guys, if you're feeling nasty, have a look at this picture. You'll feel better.

Snake Boy
Shhh! Look at this folks! It's the native Australian snake boy in his natural habitat! Isn't he a beaut! I snapped this photo just before he was going to inject his prey, a corn dog, with venom and wait until it died so he could unhinge his jaws even further to swallow it whole! Boy, I wouldn't want to cross paths with this menacing creature!

Hungry Hungry Hippos!God forbid you should be the object of these ladies lust. It seems we have a combination of things: A sexual lust, the inability to chew or gauge the amount of food eaten, and a complete and total lack of shame. They do come in handy when filling an olympic sized pool when you're low on water. Simply lower these four into the hole and pour in a small bottle of spring water. Tada! Full pool!

"I think I just threw up a little in my mouth"Is it a man? Is it a woman? In any case, it's FUGLY!

Gone Overboard

When is enough, enough? Some people don't really understand the concept of moderation. In any event, this douche's worst enemy is magnets - and job interviews.

The reason:

'Nuff Said.

========

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Fucking rant, mother fucker!

I need to blow off a little steam.

After work today, I took the pup to the park. On the way home, I decided to go to the grocery store to get some food. I turn into the grocery store parking lot and what do I see? A fucking douchebag in a piece of shit Taurus wagon blocking BOTH lanes of traffic, waiting for someone to back out of a spot. Lets look at the illustration, shall we?
I wait for what seems like an eternity (about 20 seconds) and then decide I've had enough and pull past these douches and into a spot. The douche pulls into a spot just ahead of me, and gives me a glance. You know the glance. The glance of road rage. The glance that means "what the hell did you do that for, you IN THE WRONG ASSHOLE".

I shoot her the same look back, turn off the truck, tell Jinx I'd be right back and proceed to the store.

Both the drivers side door and the passenger side door fly open and out get a pair of the fattest, ugliest, greasiest, bull dyke lesbians I have EVER seen in my life! They have NO redeeming qualities about them WHATSOEVER. They aren't even worth a cheap threesome after getting drunk. There is no amount of beer on this planet!

The uglier, fatter passenger cranks open her maw. I swear I catch a whiff of rotten tuna when I hear her say "that was fucking ignorant!"

So I look at her and say "WHAT"

After four or five seconds of cud chewing, she replies, "That was just ignorant! You saw us waiting for that space and you WHIPPED around us and took it!"

And I looked at her again and said "WHAT"

She took a moment to scratch at her udders with her hind paw and said "You heard me, that was plain ignorant!'

I hadn't stopped walking towards the store, and both of them were waddling as fast as their fat little legs could carry them to keep up. I had thought about going a little faster, but I heard that people that grossly and morbidly obese could break bones if they went too fast.

At this point we were in the store.

Once more she opened her greasy, disgusting pimple covered maw and said "YOU'RE IGNORANT! YOU JUST WHIPPED AROUND US AND TOOK OUR SPOT!"

I stopped, turned around and looked at IT straight in ITS bovine eyes and said "First off, I didn't whip around you. I waited behind you for almost a minute. Secondly, you know what's fucking ignorant? Blocking both directions of traffic."

She opened her maw again, and before she could utter a single moo I said "NOW FUCK OFF!"

Her eyes glazed over, she turned back to her partner and they both waddled away, leaving me to shop in peace. I finished up my shopping, and paid for my purchases. As I was leaving the cash register, I saw them both down the aisle. I looked at them, and they didn't make eye contact. They moved away and I continued on my way, got into the truck and went home to make my dinner.

Here's the thing. Had they first approached me with their concerns in a decent manner, I would have reciprocated in kind. They were at fault, as was I. We were both guilty of road rage. I'm a reasonable guy, but when presented with bullshit anger (depending on the situation) I will tell you exactly where to go.

In this case, they found out that, yes, they were blocking two lanes of traffic and were being indecisive about their actions. Because of their own ignorance, they were stalling everyone else trying to get in and out of that parking lot. Everyone is human, everyone makes mistakes. If she wanted to have a civil conversation, she would have found out she was blocking two lanes of traffic. She would have apologized, and I would have apologized, and we all would have gotten on with our day. Instead, she found out that she was being a douchebag by yelling at somebody, and having somebody bigger, meaner, and louder give it right back to her.

I didn't like what happened. I didn't like my reaction. I don't feel good about what I did, what I said, or how I reacted. However, she did have it coming to her, and I hope she feels like a fucking heel.

Rant over.

=======

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The dating perils of the small town

Today, I was reading a post on a blog called Chelsea talks smack. It was about her, and her dating problems in New York City. According to her, most of the available men have some sort of sexually transmitted disease and she's not TOUCHING that. I did manage to find a male NYC blogger by the name of Unadater. Perusing his blog, it does seem likely that he has some sort of ghonnaherpesipylaids, or at the very least pubic lice the size of guinea pigs. Her hardships were backed up by one of her commenter's, a fellow female NYC residence, who gave a statistic that there are 770,000 more females in and around NYC than males.

That makes for some pretty harsh odds.

While I feel for Chelsea's plight, I am by nature a selfish son of a bitch (as you might tell by my incredibly self indulgent posts), and would like to talk about the dating scene where I am.

Firstly, you must understand the Country where I live. Canada is an extremely socialist country. We're no communist former U.S.S.R. by any means, but if Marx were alive today, he would probably look at Canada and say "yes, you are definitely heading in the direction of what I had in mind." Think of Canada of the love child of the United States and Communist China, conceived while Sweden did a reach around and Britain teabagged on the lot of us. We're a pretty harsh political leftie sort of place, while still retaining the greed and corruption of the capitalist first world.

In the large urban centers, this kind of world creates a fast paced rush of hard working business types who can easily afford their government sucking back 50% of their yearly income. These types tend to cast their votes in the liberal rankings, because a liberal government means more tax breaks for their giant corporate conglomerations, as well as large write offs for personal businesses. Of course, if you are a "friend" of the corrupt liberal government, you are awarded lucrative government contracts that by pass the usual tendering process, but a rant on criminal governments is for another day.

Rural Canada is a bit different. Because the local economy is slower and laxer, we have a whole populace of people who make suckling of the countries welfare teat a full time occupation. It's not a glamorous lifestyle per say, but these are not glamorous people. Our first world society has created a huge entitlement complex, and people think that they are all owed something for nothing. Coupled with the extremely generous welfare system (that is easy scam if you know what you are doing), we have a whole class of people who would rather receive "free money" then do all the menial jobs that are available and need to be done. These jobs are filled by the hard working overseas immigrants who are flooding our country at an alarming rate.

Should a woman have a baby, and she doesn't know who the father is, the government gives her money. Sometimes that is true; it's not uncommon for these classless young ladies to have several partners a night. Other times it's not so true, as the baby daddy lives with the mommy until a government representative shows up for a visit. If these people need more money, they have another baby, simple as that.

Welfare checks, subsidized housing and free health care can give these people a carefree life of extreme mediocrity. I would HATE to live that way (these people are still impoverished) but many do not care at all. The worst sufferers of this are the children. Many do not have proper clothing, proper nutrition or proper care, but the worst crime in my opinion is the sense of entitlement indoctrinated to these children. We are now on the fourth generation of this scum like class of people.

Did I mention that my town has a LOT of these?

When I moved back to this town at the age of twenty-six to take a job as the municipal water quality technician (an exciting technical job that was exactly what I was looking for!) it didn't take me long to meet someone. A sophisticated NYC lady would probably regard me as a classless country bumpkin, but to the entitled populace of the dregs of my town, I am a catch. I'm educated, I have a good job, I have a decent vehicle (decent meaning it still has it's muffler and is less than 50% rust), and I own my very own completely detached house. Not only did I have it all, all she has to do is live with me for six months. Then we are regarded as a common law couple, and she could leave and take me for half of what I'm worth (so says Canadian law). Yea, all you have to do is live together for six months and t he Canadian government considers you married. I don't mean to be harsh, but it is a common occurrence here. I stay on my toes because I worked to hard for what I have to be forced to give it to some greedy fucking ass hat looking for a free ride at the sweat of my brow.

Anyways, this girl was twenty nine, slim, and blond. We made a date to go out for coffee. When I arrived at her door, a nine year old girl answered. As it turns out, this was her daughter. I didn't mind that at all. I'm open to someone having a kid, but I'd like to be told about it, naturally. I asked her if she was ready, and she said yes, and her and her daughter came out. I asked her if she had a babysitter for the kid. She said no, it's ok, she'll just come with us. Really, that's not a good first date thing, at least I think so. I told her I didn't mind rescheduling for a time more convenient, but she insisted. As soon as we got to the coffee shop, her kid started tugging on my sleeve and hollering loudly for an ice cap. The next forty minutes was dominated by this super hyped up little girl; it didn't give me a chance to learn anything from the overly oblivious mom. I didn't take her out again, if this was a foreshadow of things to come.

They weren't all this bad, but to sum up my dating experience here to date, I'll tell you about one more. This was a twenty-one year old third generation welfare lifer, who was enamored by me. She had a six month old child, who had been taken away at birth. She was three months pregnant. Both were by different fathers. To make a long story short, I ran for the hills.

To make it fair, and to prevent a horde of angry women spitting rabid comments at me, I'm not saying all people are like the above. It just seems a disproportionate number of people, for economic reasons, like that, live in my town and it seems to be difficult to find a good woman who isn't, at least here. The welfare system is meant as a helping hand from the rest of Canada to someone who has fallen on hard times. I rest easy at night knowing my incredibly high taxes go to do good things, and even give me a safety net to help me back on my feet should I fall on hard times. Many, many people who use it do so only to get back on their feet, and are deserving of help. Not everyone is a scumbag.

Anyways, I would rather remain alone than be stuck with a person who's main goal in life is to drink beer, smoke cigarettes, pretend to look for work and pop out children by different men to get more "free money". I want someone who's ambitions are normal, like mine, who's work ethic is good, like mine, and who thinks about the good of the whole, not just the good of themselves. I know there is someone out there like that! And I'm taking applications!

=========

If you liked the above, you might also like:

Bathroom Etiquette
Those Dirty Fag Suckers
The absurdity of the Canadian Criminal Code
To be the Canadian
What NOT to say to a woman

The Gym Douche

Last night, I was at the gym. Just as I finished loading the bench press with weights, she walked out of the women's change room.

Fifty feet away, she started walking in my direction. She wore a form fitting outfit with a form to match. Not an ounce of fat on this girl, and just the prefect amount of muscle. She had an ass that just wouldn't quit, breasts that defied gravity, and she walked with a wiggle that made my willy tingle. She was the goddess of the gym, and at that moment, had she asked me to do ANYTHING for her, I would have done it.

Then she got close.

Have you heard the term "good from far, but far from good"? How about "butterface", as in everything is good, but her face? No? Well you've heard them now and they apply to this former vision of a goddess.

She had a pretty enough face, I guess, underneath the three inch deep layer of make up. What turned me off, was the "I'm better than you douche" sneer on her face. If anybody looked her way, she shot them a very brief dirty look, as if to say "YOU are not good enough for ME." She looked and acted as if her shit did not stink. Her bum might not have smelled, but there was a rather unpleasant odor about her.

This girl took a bath in the most disgustingly fragrant perfume I've smelled in my life.

As I took this hideous smell in, my chest constricted and I became short of breath. The smell was THAT STRONG. I wonder if she knew just how offensive she was?

For the next hour, I watched this douchebag prance around the gym like she owned the place. The worst part was that she did not put her weights away, and that REALLY aggravates me. If she loaded some plates on a machine, she left them there. If she grabbed a barbell or dumbell from the rack, she left them where they lay when she was done with them. As if gym etiquette didn't apply to her, as if people should clean up after her like the GODDESS she thought she was!

That, my friends, is a real life example of the type of douche you run into on a daily basis. The worst part? If I decided to teach her a lesson by taking ALL the weights she didn't put away and loading them up on her chest, I'd be arrested for it.

I'd like to introduce some legislation that would make being a douchebag illegal. At the very least, any douchebag should be snipped so they could not reproduce and make more douchebags. Who wants to start writing letters to politicians with me?

===========

If you like the above, you might also like:

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Things I notice
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Spazoid's Christmas Quiz of Debauchery
Spazoid's Debauchery Quiz Winner!

The Douchebags

You hear the word douchebag a lot. Hey, that guy's a douchebag! Yea, and his girlfriend is a total douche!

But what exactly is a douchebag? Originally, it was a bag filled with vinegar or similar that a woman attached a nozzle to so she could flush the nasties from her slimy cooch. This disgusting device eventually became the name for our lowest ranking members of society. These are the people that think they are absolute hot shit, but are in fact the total opposite. A douchebag is a person who thinks they are genious when in fact they are borderline retarded; a person who is unusually arrogant; a person who is specifically malicious in intent. In other words, just an all around idiot.

Here are some of the douches I've noticed.

The "I'm Cooler than you Douche"

You've seen these people. The guys have short, spiked hair. They spend most of their time at the gym, or in the tanning bed, and compliment it by wearing skimpy wife beaters, designer jeans, and sunglasses no matter what time of the day it is. They usually have a cross around their neck, even though the last time they were at church was when they were christened. The cross is just an attempt to get the Christian ladies in the sack. They frequent night clubs, use all the newest slang, and they use all the latest hand signal slang. You know, three fingers out "what up holmes" kind of stuff. Their shoes are always clean and they have blingy jewelery all over themselves. Unless you're a hottie in the same douchebaggery dress up and using the same douche slang, they shoot you snide looks as if to say "I'm too good for you, buddy". The girls are the same, in skimpy clothes that show off cleavage, same tan, same bleach blonde hair (the curtains don't match the carpet, let me assure you) and the same douchey attitude.

Let's have a reality check with these kings of douche. While they might have all the latest clothes and follow the latest trends, in reality they still live with their parents and spend every cent they earn on this crap and buying drinks at the night club. At the end of the day, they go back to their 10' by 12' bedroom at their moms house and have all their douchey friends over to lie about all the pussy they didn't get at the club the night before. By the time these douches are 30, their lack of education and general better than thou attitudes will land them nothing but the same dead end job and in the same bedroom they've lived in for their entire lives, plus some melanoma for their months spend in a tanning booth. By the time these douches are 50 they'll look like their 80 and if they are lucky they'll be living in some shitty apartment building eating cat food, because that's all their social assistance will pay for.

The "I'm always right" douche

These are the people who are never, ever wrong, especially when they are. They'll argue until they are blue in the face, and even if you show them absolute substantiated proof, they'll insist that the source is wrong. Every action that they do is the right one, and every one that somebody else does is wrong. Even when they find out how wrong they were the hard way, they'll blame it on some other bullshit thing that never really happened. Usually, these people have vast senses of undeserved entitlement and are horrible with money. It really doesn't matter to them, because it's always somebody else's fault and they'll insist it was completely out of their control, even if preventing the problem was plain as day to anyone with any common sense.

Usually, if they promise to help you, they will..... eventually. A normal, sensible person will agree to help you if they have time, and then help you. If they don't, they'll say so, and you'll thank them and move on. These people will tell you it's no problem, of course they can help you, they have lots of time. Time goes by, and you get nothing but excuses. Their kids were sick. The wife worked late. The husband took the car without telling me. I ran short on time because blah de blah blah blah. That's all well and good, except these excuses are the same every single time with every single person. A "I'm always right" douche will even get angry at you when you tell them to forget it, or take it to someone else. They're also the first to gossip when you tell them no, and are experts at manipulating you to do all sorts of things for them. Just try to tell THEM that you don't have time when you don't, up front, like a normal sensible person would. They'll say FINE with an angry look on their face. Douche.

The "environmentalist" douche

An environmentalist douche has a serious "holier than thou" attitude. This person is a rabid environmentalist who paints everyone else but them as part of the problem. They are unable to see the big picture, and think that their personal efforts at recycling, reusing bags and driving a hybrid car would single handedly save the entire planet from environmental disaster, if only everyone else would be just like them.

They live in big houses, use tap water, electricity and natural gas, shop at grocery stores and Wall*Mart. Their environmental efforts mean that they might use a few percent less energy than a similar sized family. The understanding that this will have a negligible effect on the problem as a whole, and it would take a societal paradigm shift to solve the problem is completely lost on them. After all, they are too busy sniffing their shit to confirm it doesn't stink to see just HOW MUCH OF A DOUCHEBAG THEY REALLY ARE!

The "bandwagon" douchebag

These douchebags are similar to the environmentalist douchebags, in that they are unable to see any big picture. Instead, they are swept up into whatever hysteria happens to present itself at that time in an orgy of self gratification. You can usually find these douches at one protest or another, holding up signs and chanting protest when they have absolutely no clue what it's all about. It could be environmental issues, abortion issues, political issues, any issue whatsoever. The douchiest of the lot will protest in favor of one side of an issue first, only to be found a month later protesting for the other side. These people truly do not understand the issues, are not able to make a rational and informed decision, because they are just hysteria driven douches who have something that every douche has: A holier than thou attitude. This makes these people feel that they are better than you, even if they will never admit it. Lousy douches.

The "Status Symbol" douche.

How many people here in North America do you know that drives a giant, gas guzzling 4x4. How often do they actually go off road? How often do they actually haul around 9 people, a load of stuff and a huge trailer verses the amount of time spent driving this monstrosity alone? How many of these vehicles do you see parked at huge, giant mansion style houses.

The fact of the matter is that these people think they have really small penis's (or boobs for the female variety), and need to suppliment it with shit they cannot ever need or use. They think a status symbol shouts to the world "look how important I am!", when it really shouts to the world "Look at me! I'm not well endowed at all!"

The vast majority of these status symbol douches are a paycheck away from total and complete financial breakdown. They don't understand that living comfortably means living within your means, not above it. Your outgoing living expenses should not equal your income. The worst part is, when something happens and they miss a payment, they don't understand what went wrong! Further, these douches look down at people who live within their means as those "Silly poor people". Yea douchebag? When I'm comfortable in my retirement, playing golf and eating well, and you're still working at 95 trying to pay off that oppressive debt, who's going to be laughing then? Not you, douchebag.

There are so many more examples of douchebaggery that I haven't touched on. Suffice it to say, a douchebag is someone who thinks they're better than everyone, all the time. They aren't. They're people who think that they are smarter than everyone. They aren't. They think that they are better than everyone. They aren't. These are the people that think they are beautiful, correct, smart, and the best, without any critical or rational thought processes to back it up.

You are, and you always will be better than a douche, and know it. So next time a douchebag pulls a holier than thou smirk at you, just smile and walk away secure in the knowledge that this person truly is, a douchebag.

=============
If you liked the above, you might also like:

Those Dirty Fag Suckers
The Absurdity of the Canadian Criminal Code
Merry Christmas to us, but lets talk about those less fortunate
Understanding Men
Bless this, Father!

The commandments of SpazoGod!

My very funny friend, Mental Poo, thought it would be a neat idea to come up with his own, personalized brand of the ten commandments. He only came up with five, before deferring to a higher authority, his wife.

But before he gave the reigns to his boss, he set out an offer to let us lowly peons pretend like we're god and come up with our own ten commandments. Since there is no Mrs. Spazoid to defer to, I'll be coming up with all TEN of my commandments myself! Some will be serious, and some will not be serious. If you can't tell which ones are serious and which ones aren't, then you need to pay attention to my first commandment:

1.Thou shalt recognize ones own stupidity!
That's right. Understand that most of today's population are gibbering retards. I attribute that half to herd mentality, and half to thinking yourselves utter geniuses. Guess what? You're not a braniac. Neither am I. Do you understand what a median is? An average? No? Then look it up. When you think you're smart, you don't bother to listen to anyone else's point of view because you're already convinced of your own superiority. True genius is few and far between, and so is true stupidity. So wake up, sit up straight, pay attention, keep an open mind, and weight things out in your head with ration and logic. Most importantly, you don't know everything. Remember that. Also remember that you can find out, or ask somebody else. Pretending you do know it all makes you STUPID!
2. Thou females have Boobies! Thou shalt show them off!
Ladies, your breasts are pretty and special. Don't hide them behind baggy sweaters! If you are younger than 40, you shall wear push up bra's and low cut tops. Your other option is to not wear shirts or bras at all. If you have ugly boobs, such as ones that hang around your knees from years of use and abuse, I shall use my magic god powers to tone and lift so you may show them off to your hearts content.

3.When thou sees and advanced green, thou shalt immediately push hard on the accelerator
Listen fucktards. In an advanced green light, four or five cars should be able to get through. Why is it that there's always a tard in front that doesn't notice for five seconds, then makes the turn like he's got a bomb strapped to the tank that'll go off if he exceeds my grandmothers walking pace? If you do NOT get on the frigging gas, SpazoGod will give you an case of herpes with a permanent flare up. Got it?

4.Thou Shalt not drive if you're over 70, or an oriental woman
I don't think I have to go into detail on this one. Suffice it to say, SpazoGod will also guarantee these people with a permanent herpes flare up.

5.Thou Shalt understand that ALL religions are moot.
I'm guessing me being god would render all religions moot. You know why? Because I'm GOD and I say so! Really though, there is just as much evidence for Jesus as there is for Zeus. So if you really want to believe in that stuff, fine, but you also have to remember everyone else is just as correct as you are. If you don't want to understand that, fine by me. I'll just give women testicles with perma ball itch and men permanent periods. I guarantee within a month of that constant agonizing torture, you'll smarten the fuck up. That'll also stop a lot of the bullshit violence started by the fundamentalist fanatical religious right, and put an end to much death and torture.

6. Thou shalt cease all religious evangelical missions.
See commandment number five. Remember, all religions are moot, meaning your religion is as correct as every other one. If you actively pursue converting people of other religions, that will be considered badgering and Spazogod will make you 300 lbs overweight with permanent foul body odour. You may accept people into your religion, but only if they seek you out. Meaning, you may make TASTEFUL advertisements. If Spazogod thinks your advertisements are distasteful, such as references to people of other religions going to hell, he'll make you eat the avert. Without any spices.

7. Thou shalt find all poo based humour funny as hell, and never tire of it.
Because Spazogod does.

8. Thy females shall talk to each other only ONE AT A TIME
Girls, you don't understand exactly how annoying you are when you chatter in groups. You are insulted when men cluck like chickens at you! You don't understand just WHAT that's all about! Well, I'm going to tell you. When men talk, one man go's, then shuts up and lets another man talk. This is called "sharing". When women talk, they talk ALL AT FUCKING ONCE. A man cannot then actually differentiate the sounds that are being made as language, and therefor his brain interprets it as chicken clucking. Moreover, it is very loud, grating and annoying. Think of being strapped to a jet airplane doing mach two, and you'll understand what this sounds like to men's ears. To that end, just four women talking sounds like a sold out Spinal Tap concert in the 80's. Women, if you do not take turns in conversing, Spazogod will switch your vagina's with your mouths. Try talking through your jeans! And won't meal time be fun time? Gives a whole new definition to blow job, doesn't it. Don't believe I'll do it? Try me.

9. Thou shalt make farting an Olympic competition.
See commandment seven, but with a twist. Any variation of competitiveness shall be allowed. Who has the stinkiest? Who has the loudest? Who can break glass? How far does the flame travel? ANYTHING GOES!

10. Thou shalt understand the big picture.
Rabid feminists, environmentalist, and your basic narrow sighted whack job WILL start seeing the big picture. You know, why it's bad if the pendulum is pulled too far one way, what equality actually means, and that everybody is capable of racism, stereotyping and persecution, not just white men between the ages of 18-47. The inability to see the big picture, and ignoring the big picture to increase your gross margins is what has and what is killing our species. It's also what's killing society and relationships, because it's one of the fuels that fires misunderstandings, ignorance and violence. So, for anybody that cannot see the big picture, Spazogod will increase your head to be the size of a Buick, with eyes the size of monster truck tires. Your body will remain the same size. I imagine most of the world will end up looking like this, and it will cause reform in no time flat! What's more, Spazogod will get many laughs from seeing your bodies flailing around trying to move your enormous heads. Oh. Your brain will stay the same size, in case you were wondering.

I hope you've enjoyed my little bit of self indulgence, with many thanks to mental poo.

-Spazogod out

===============

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Kids Fashion: What the hell?

I recently went to a local college to write a test for my water operations license. Even though it's been less than a decade since I left college, all of the kids looked so young. It's amazing the aging and maturing that occurs in only a decades time. Truly, we are a very dynamic species.

The other thing I noticed was what the kids were wearing. I don't know if it's just me, but aren't we getting more and more fashion retarded or what?

Lets start with the eye wear. You think the 80's trend for aviator glasses was bad? Think again. Kids are wearing sunglasses that are so large as to make Bobo the fucking clown think twice about putting it on. Seriously. You don't even look good with those glasses. It completely covers your face and makes the prettiest nose look puggy and piggy. What's up with that?

And why the hell are you wearing your PAJAMA'S around outside? When did sleepwear become practical day wear? When did seventeen year olds start wanting to look like toddlers? All you'd need to complete the look is a pacifier and a huggies bulge.

I really hate when kids wear pants hung somewhere around their genitals with their underwear pulled up somewhere around their nipples. I guess these guys have never been pansed, because that fashion would NEVER make it to the streets. I guess it's all supply and demand too, because no respectable manufacturer would make crotches on pants that hang that low. Who wants to walk around looking like they shat themselves for a week straight? Teenagers, I guess.

Kids, PUT YOUR FUCKING HAT ON STRAIGHT. Ok? Baseball caps are designed so that the bill of the cap keeps the sun out of your eyes. How's it going to do that if it's pulled off to the side at some weird angle? Every time I'm cut off by a shitty old Honda Civic and I see that stupid little ass wearing that cap crooked, up and to the side I want to catch up with him, pull him out of his car and beat him until he ruins his "tough guy" image by bawling incessantly for his mommy.

One thing that irks me is the latest trend of look homogenization. All the girls look like the other girls, and all the boys look like the other boys. Walking into a high school or college is like walking into a family renunion, albeit an inbred one. I walk out of the place CONVINCED that some poor woman birthed 132 children all at the same time.

Want to hear something really funny? All of the goth kids. Yea. They swear up and down that they're different, that they don't go with the trends, that they are original and unique. Sure, you WOULD be unique if you DIDN'T LOOK LIKE EVERY OTHER GOTH KID IN THE FUCKING WORLD!

Kids, change out of your pajamas, pull your pants up, wear some glasses that fit your face and original clothing. Please. You might even start earning some respect you DEMAND to have, until you break yet another promise or tell yet another lie.

-Spazoid, the always has been jeans and t-shirt guy.

Those Dirty Fag Suckers

For all of those politically correct overboard junkies, don't get your panties in a bunch. When I refer to dirty fag sucker, I'm talking about cigarette smoking, not the other kind of smoking.

From here on in, cigarettes shall be referred to the proper term "fag", as they are called in England. And I shall refer to fag smokers as "dirty fag smokers", because smoking fags is a dirty, filthy, disgusting habit.

Fag smoking is such a dirty habit, and I'm ashamed to admit that I've done a lot of fag smoking in the past. The first time I smoked a fag, my reflex reaction was to cough, sputter, and spit until every last molecule of the white stuff was expelled from my insides. So what did I do? I took another suck.

Fag sucking first starts off as a result of peer pressure. All of the cool kids are sucking on fags, and all of your friends are sucking on fags. You're offered fag after fag after fag, until finally you give in and start sucking on a fag to fit in. You derive no pleasure from the first few fags. That does not last.

After your body gets over it's initial fag rejection, and you begin sucking more and more fags, you begin to develop a fag buzz. It's a light headed euphoric feeling that fag sucking gives you, and you enjoy it. It's a legal high! No wonder all the cool kids do it!

Soon afterwards, the fags let you down in a big way. You see, your body accustoms itself to sucking on fags, and the fag buzz is replaced with addiction.

That's right my friends, you no longer WANT to suck on a fag. You NEED to suck on a fag.

The more fags you suck, the more fags you need. For those of you who have never been addicted to fag sucking, you can liken it to hunger for food. Your body NEEDS food, and when you go without it your brain can focus on very little but to go find food. Once you have food, and are sated, you mind can focus on other things. That's what it's like with fags. If you go without a fag for too long, your mind can think about nothing but sucking on that long, slim fag until you've had your fill. You're only focus is to go and suck on that fag.

Some people try to justify smoking fags by sucking on the light fags. The problem with light fags is that your body needs a certain amount of fag, and smoking light fags just means you'll smoke more of them and more often to get the fag your body requires.

Once you are truly and thoroughly addicted to fags, it's almost impossible to quit. Doctors say that a fag addiction is harder to give up than cocaine. I agree. Apparently, your body needs the active chemical in fag. Once you start smoking fags, your body stops making the chemical because it gets all it needs from fag sucking. When you try to quit, it takes your body time to adjust to it and start making the fag chemical again. In the meantime, you go CRAZY!

Most who try to give up fag sucking will never do so because they make excuses about it. They say that it's not the right time, that they are too stressed right now. You see, they will always have some sort of stress in their lives, that's what living is all about. Life causes stress, it's a fact. The funny thing is, that the stress they are actually talking about is the stress caused by not sucking on any fags. People insist that after sucking on a fag, their stress level goes down, it calms them, they can focus on other things. The stress is caused by your bodies need for the fag chemical itself! Of course you feel more relaxed after you fill that need!

I gave up dirty fag sucking about 2 1/2 years ago. It was probably the hardest thing I had ever done. Fags are very expensive now. It's ten dollars for a pack of fags, and twenty-five fags come in a pack. Yes, I was sucking on twenty-five fags a day! I went through withdrawal, I got sick, I was stressed, but in the end I did it. I wanted to do it for my health, as fag sucking causes heart disease and lung cancer and a whole host of other maladies, and that scared me. I ended up finally quitting fag sucking for financial reasons. I had just purchase my home and I was very short on money. Could you imagine losing your home for something as silly as the need to suck on fags? The truth of the matter is that it took me almost a whole year before I was completely over my addiction to fags. Long after the chemical dependency has dissipated, the habit is still there. It takes a long time for your brain to adjust to not sucking on fags at break times, at lunch time, in your car, with a coffee, with a beer.

I'm glad I gave it up. Fag sucking is gross. After you suck on a fag, you STINK, and the area STINKS. Fag suckers don't understand how much they actually smell after sucking on fags all day until they stop sucking on fags themselves. Fags also leave stains on your fingers and teeth, and you end up with little fag holes all over your clothing.

Kids, if you've never sucked on a dirty fag before, do not start. If you have started, stop now before it's too late. Trust me, you might think it's cool now, but you WILL regret it when you're older and can't stop sucking on fags.

People of the world unit, let's stop dirty fag sucking!

Advertising on your Blog

From viewing the various blogs on my day to day blog jaunts, I notice a common theme. Most of us do it as it just seems to make sense. We all try to earn money from our blogs.

It makes SENSE. Most of the people that write blogs are just ordinary, everyday people who are trying to keep families afloat and make ends meet. Normal people running normal lives paying normal bills and being raped by all sorts of nice government taxes. Especially if you're Canadian, like I am. For some reason they seem fit to take half my pay cheque with various devious plots. And really, god forbid if you break a bone or somehow lodge a '79 Buick bumper through your pelvis. You're in the emergency waiting room for weeks! But I digress.

Most of you, especially those of us who have blogspot accounts, run google ads. I would like to say one thing about google. WTF? What the HECK do you have to do to even get a few pennies? Do you have to have the entire WORLD visit your blog? Ok Mr. Blogger, you got 250 page impressions and 4 ad clicks today, so that'll be..... multiply by.... carry the one.... move the decimal place.... $0.0005 cents! Congratulations, sometime in the year 3,000 we'll mail you a cheque!

Not to be intimidated by the google giants jerk status (how are they different from any of the other giant corporations?) I'm plowing on through, keeping the ads on my site and striving to provide my readers with regular quality content and to ever grow a loyal audience, as you are.

But there MUST be other ways help pay the bills while you do what you like doing? I started my search. Today, I ran across this site, called Blogsvertise.

Blogsvertise has a unique way of approaching selling advertising to their clients. Once Blogsvertise approves your site, they email you their advertisers site link as an assignment. Unlike some of the other sites, you don't have to drool all over this thing. All you have to do is have the link at least three times in your post. You can write about the site, you can write the links into something you're already blogging about, you can totally RIP on the site, it's up to you. When Blogsvertise sends you an assignment, you have five days to complete it and submit it for review. They send you an assignment by email, you incorporate the links into your blog, submit it, and wait. The minimum payout to your paypal account is $4.00 (unless your under probation, but we won't talk about that!). All they are asking for is a minimum of three links, and a minimum number of words so that you have content and don't cheat the system. Both numbers are very fair to both themselves, the advertisers, and us bloggers.

So far, the ladies and gents at Blogsvertise seem like a decent sort indeed. You don't need to be a product whore, and they have a unique way of benefiting themselves, us bloggers, and those that feed us all, the advertisers.

I've signed up to Blogvertise, and am looking forward to trying it out. Maybe it won't suck hard like google does!

The evil single friend!

Ladies. Ok, seriously. WTF? I have to ask, what's with this one?

WHY, if you have a boyfriend, or a husband, do you feel their single male friends are so evil?

You're willing to give your significant others friends a fair kick at the can. You know, give them the benefit of the doubt, start out ok, let their personalities make friends or enemies. Rational people stuff. But only if their friends are attached or married!

Us single guys don't get that benefit of the doubt. We start off being jerks, no matter how nice we are. If we're nice, we have ulterior motives. If we're not nice, it's "SEE! I told you he was no good!"

What exactly is it about us single guys that makes us so bad? Do you think we're going to convince him that you're not good enough and to dump your stupid ass and go pick up random chicks?

Do you think we're single because we're baby eating axe murder's?

Do you think that the only way to be a good human being is to have a steady girlfriend or wife, and if that is so, why is that?

Please, would somebody tell me why married females hate single men? Why we have to work extra hard to convice them we're not going to steal their jewlery and rape them?

Seriously, what the hell? Will somebody please set me staight on the female rationale?