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Tuesday, October 23, 2007

My Superpower

Many of you might not believe this, but super powers exist. Yes, humans are capable of having super powers, but it isn't like in the comic books.

Usually, people will be unusually good at something in particular, and that is their super power. A secretary might be able to type 200 words a minute. Watching someone type that fast and you might agree that it's beyond normal human abilities. Watching a sprinter do the 100 meter dash in less than 10 seconds, it would boggle your mind as to how the average person could even approach such speeds.

Some people have greater super powers than others at the expense of everything else. These people might have great musical talent, they can learn a new instrument in a matter of hours and be able to memorize songs and play them back the first time they here them. These people are called idiot savants, and have their amazing super power at the sacrifice of the ability to even be able to take care of themselves and function normally in society.

I found my super power.

My super power is so totally amazing as to completely break the laws of physics, yet so useless to have absolutely no practical purpose.

I can make poo.

You might be thinking, so what, I can make poo too. Everybody makes poo, what's the big deal?

Well, the big deal is I can make LOTS of poo. If I eat 10 ounces of food, I'll make 16 ounces of poo. Seriously. One of the primary laws of physics is that matter cannot be created or destroyed; but I CAN create matter. Only if it's in the form of poo.

My superpower is so seriously awesome in ability but so seriously lacking in practicality as to be laughable. Ok, so I can create matter from nothing. Too bad it has no practical purpose. I can only create 50% or so more than I eat, so I couldn't even profit from generating fertilizer!

It figures. The one thing I'm really good at will just turn most people off. Well, unless I move to Japan. I'll be a serious ladies man there (weird, weird stuff goes on in Japan).

Does anybody else have any superpowers? Useful powers, even?

3 keen observations:

cyberpunk said...

Pfft. I think it's safe to say that I will never be envious of your superpower...

I have no superpower, I'm just a regular jackass of all trades...

Mike said...

LOL yea, let's just say my folks are real proud of the pooper i've become! :P

Vyolet said...

Oh my! I thought I was the only one with this ability. :)
Being a girl and on the petite side, no one would ever believe my tales of humongous-ness as I stumbled from the bathroom, 4 pounds lighter than when I went in.
They did learn rather early to never be the one to occupy the bathroom after me. :P
I do have another power, wether or not it's super is for you to decide.
I can force things that do not want to go around the S bend on their way with only 2 flushes and no left over floaters. ;)
I feel so much better for admitting this. Thanks Mike. :)