Tag Meme thingy

PDX Fashionista has tagged me.

I don't like tags.

But I'll do it for her, cuz her shadow has a nice butt.

Write a six word memoir. That's it, that's what I have to do.

Quoted from Smith Magazine: "Six-Word Memoirs: The Legend
Legend has it that Hemingway was once challenged to write a story in only six words. His response? “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” Last year, SMITH Magazine re-ignited the recountre by asking our readers for their own six-word memoirs. They sent in short life stories in droves, from the bittersweet (“Cursed with cancer, blessed with friends”) and poignant (“I still make coffee for two”) to the inspirational (“Business school? Bah! Pop music? Hurrah”) and hilarious (“I like big butts, can’t lie”). "

My six word story is as follows.

Pretty girls suck. Don't I wish!

And, some associated imagery:

The rules:

1) Write your own six word story.
2) Post it on your blog [and include a visual illustration if you'd like].
3) Link to the person that tagged you in your post [me!], and to the original post if possible [so we can track it as it travels].
4) Tag at least five others with links.
5) Don't forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play.
6) Have fun!

I TAG NO ONE! NO ONE!

If you want to do it, by all means. Just provide me with a little linky love, eh?

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If you liked the above, you might also like:

Stupidity
The Technology of English
Dating Perils of the Small Town
100th Post!
Things I Notice

Tomato, Tomahto google party!

Still Single over at Tomato, Tomahto tagged me with some sort of fun tag. Basically, like any other tag, it's a link whore fest to spread around more google rank to the next person.

Theres nothing wrong with link whoring, but I hate the idea of "forcing" people to do it by tagging them. Worse still, this one is just atrocious. You have to copy a list of 26 links that correspond with the letters of the alphabet, and replace the one that your blog starts with.

Total and complete linking whore fest, and the worst part is that I CANNOT DO ANYTHING FUNNY OR ENTERTAINING WITH IT.

Screw that jive.

Instead, I'll link whore Still Singles site, and her site alone. With a google party. Basically, the idea being is that you mention the blog as much as you can, in this case still single, with imbedded links to the text, and also include google.

Hopefully, still singles site will come up in more searches. The more types of different search strings I can mention her blog in, the more chance it'll be found and therefore still single will get more traffic.

And I don't have to participate in some stupid tagging link whore fest to help people I don't even know.

To that end, I did a search on google trends and will now attach still single to some of the most popular (and funniest) search keywords.

Florida primary results still single
Earjacking still single
Dangerous cult still single
Miley Cyrus underwear still single
cheeseburger in a can still single
ramen noodles recipes still single
brawl news still single
don't drop the soap still single
Paris Hilton shoes still single
sex workers art show still single
soy bomb still single
Dan Quayle still single
Fat Tuesday still single
Hoboken fire still single

Still Single, I hope that gets you a flood of new traffic. Please, by all means, send them my way too. Also, no more tags. If you feel the need to tag me, please, have a google party instead, ya?

I'm Quirky Meme

Drowsey Monkey tagged me with a "six quirky things about me" meme. So, even though for some reason shes a little scared, here are six quirky things about me.

1. Whenever I step into the shower, my right eye closes right up. I don't know why, it just does. It's not a conscious thing, but when water falls on my head, my right eye closes. If I ever lose my left eye, I'll be blind when I'm wet.

2.I haven't yet met a dog I didn't like. I've met many people I don't like. Freudian analysis, anyone?

3.This will probably NOT come as any shock to anyone, but I find poo funny. Poo! HA HA!

4.I'm currently making plans for what to do when the world ends. Usually, I'm not an alarmist, but my survival instincts are overwhelming my rational thought. I've got a really good plan of action. Any young good looking girls want to live through the apocalypse? Come see me!

5.I like my meat rare. Sometimes bloody. I'm sure this is NO surprise to anybody.

6. As with every other meme I've ever done, I'd be remiss in saying my favorite part of a woman is her boobs. I love them boobies!

The rules are: Link to the person that tagged you. Post the rules on your blog. Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs. Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

Ok, I'm following all of the rules except the tagging of the six people, cuz I'm not like that. Instead, I ask for six volunteers and to let me know in the comments. If no one volunteers, cest la vie!

Tag, your it, again!

One of my favorite bloggers, drowsey monkey, has tagged me with the "7 things about you" meme. I've done it before, but hell, if you can only think of seven things about yourself, then you're pretty damned boring. I'd say you're either a robot or a fundamentalist religious zealot. Hey, I'm wondering what THAT list would look like? Let's take a stab, shall we?

1. God
2. God
3. God
4. God
5. God
6. Convert the heathens (everybody that's not like me)
7. Preach love and hate the heathens (everybody that I couldn't convert.)

But seriously, let's have a go at the spazoid list.

1. I like boobies. I think I may have mentioned this before, here, and maybe here. Ahh well. Boobs are good. Big ones, little ones, fat ones, in between ones, fake ones freckled ones, tight ones, droopy ones, floppy ones, swingy ones, ones that look at each other, ones that look away from each other, mismatched pairs, you name it, I like it!

2.Organ meat should not be food. I should be used for shark chumming, or at the very best, in hot dogs. Edit: I'm pretty sure that hot dogs would be upgraded to actual food status if organ meat was used in them.

3.I think people should be forced to dress to their body type. Seriously. If you're really, really fat, belly shirts should be an arrestable offence. Skinny people should stop tucking their shirts in and cinching up their puffy pants, it's just NOT right. Make sure your pants come all the way to your ankles, ok?

4. On the topic of clothes, I think kids these days are fucking dolts. I mean, we had some stupid shit when we were kids, like Varnet, and cowboy boots, and winter clothes in the summer. But come on! Kid, when you wear pants that are 10 sizes too big with crotches that come to your knees, you don't look cool. NO. You look like you've crapped yourself, and a dozen of your friends have also crapped down there. If you're a 34 waist and have a 30 inch inseam, go buy yourself a pair of pants that say 34x30. You're body will thank you.

5. On the topic of kids, can't stand em. I think some of em are ok between the ages of not shitting themselves to about 10 (unless he's still shitting himself at 10). Between the ages of 11 and 25 they should be locked up in some sort of forced labour camp. Not like a cruelty camp or anything, but something that forces them to not learn entitlement, and makes them wear normal pants. That way, our society might have a hope in hell when this generation of spoiled, entitled, whiny and FAT children turn into spoiled, entitled, whiny, and fat adults who will be the next leaders of this "free" world.

6. What the hell is it with drivers? I think most people are frickin MO-RONS when they climb in behind the wheel. TURN SIGNALS, USE THEM! OK? When the light turns green for an advanced turn, take your foot of the brake and press the gas pedal. On any advanced green, you should be able to get 4-5 cars through, not just YOU and the guy behind you desparately climbing up your ass just to be able to make it. GO! And why the HELL doesn't anybody have any friggin DEPTH PERCEPTION! It's a red light, so slow down and stop. Don't stop 5 carlengths behind the last car and then creep stop creep stop creep stop UGH that's so fucking anoying! And people, pay attention around you and use some common courtesy, OK? Letting someone in, pulling forward a bit so the guy behind you can get in, letting people merge on the highway. The roads would be better and safer, OK? Just to make things clear, YOU DO NOT OWN THE BLOODY ROAD! You share it with people, and sometimes, it's your fault. YES YOU HEARD ME. You can be at fault too, ok? SO suck it up and get over it!

7.I find cars ugly. I drive a pick up truck, and if at all possible, I'll always drive a pick up truck. Yea yea, I'm a red neck, a yokel, blah blah friggity blah. Just remember that next time you need dirt hauled, or got a load to go to the dump, or need a couple of sheets of drywall, ok?

Thats it, thats all. I'm not tagging anybody, but if you'd like to do this meme, by all means!

Meme - List of 7

Recently, Emmy tagged me with a meme, or something that sort of approximates a meme but isn't really but yea, you know, whatever.

She says:

THE RULES - List of 7

Each player starts with 7 random facts about themselves on their blog. People who are tagged need to blog 7 facts about themselves and post the rules as well. At the end of their blog list 7 people you are tagging. Let them know that they are tagged by leaving them a comment.

This is akin to a chain letter for me. I won't and don't do chain letters. Never have, never will. With that in mind, I will post seven random facts about myself, but I will NOT tag anyone else. Instead, I ask for willing volunteers to do this, and just let me know by leaving me a comment.

Here it is, my list of seven!

I love boobies. Big ones, little ones, young ones, Old one.. umm, perky ones, etc. You get the idea. Boobs are great, if someone has a great pair of boobs I have a hard time not making my staring obvious.

Pinching a loaf is a great pleasure. I love that feeling of dropping a load, emptying the bowel, the light, clean feeling afterwards. YEA.

I have a tattoo. I got it with some chick about 5 years ago. It's a dragon and it's on my left shoulder. I won't be getting another (tattoo's are retarded).

Women's arms turn me on. That is, if they are tight, toned and have just the right amount of muscle. Bonerific.

I am a human garberator. There is very little that I won't eat.

I really, really like plumbing. I am not a plumber by trade. NOTE: I don't do shit pipes, so don't ask.

I like dogs better than people. This one is a no brainer. Dogs are friendlier, cuter, more predictable and are capable of unconditional love, unlike us humans. My dog is my kid.

I could go on, but I've already broken one of the meme's rules, I shan't break another.

I need seven volunteers to do this meme, please participate!