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Sunday, December 9, 2007

Tag, your it, again!

One of my favorite bloggers, drowsey monkey, has tagged me with the "7 things about you" meme. I've done it before, but hell, if you can only think of seven things about yourself, then you're pretty damned boring. I'd say you're either a robot or a fundamentalist religious zealot. Hey, I'm wondering what THAT list would look like? Let's take a stab, shall we?

  1. God
  2. God
  3. God
  4. God
  5. God
  6. Convert the heathens (everybody that's not like me)
  7. Preach love and hate the heathens (everybody that I couldn't convert.)

But seriously, let's have a go at the spazoid list.

1. I like boobies. I think I may have mentioned this before, here, and maybe here. Ahh well. Boobs are good. Big ones, little ones, fat ones, in between ones, fake ones freckled ones, tight ones, droopy ones, floppy ones, swingy ones, ones that look at each other, ones that look away from each other, mismatched pairs, you name it, I like it!

2.Organ meat should not be food. I should be used for shark chumming, or at the very best, in hot dogs. Edit: I'm pretty sure that hot dogs would be upgraded to actual food status if organ meat was used in them.

3.I think people should be forced to dress to their body type. Seriously. If you're really, really fat, belly shirts should be an arrestable offence. Skinny people should stop tucking their shirts in and cinching up their puffy pants, it's just NOT right. Make sure your pants come all the way to your ankles, ok?

4. On the topic of clothes, I think kids these days are fucking dolts. I mean, we had some stupid shit when we were kids, like Varnet, and cowboy boots, and winter clothes in the summer. But come on! Kid, when you wear pants that are 10 sizes too big with crotches that come to your knees, you don't look cool. NO. You look like you've crapped yourself, and a dozen of your friends have also crapped down there. If you're a 34 waist and have a 30 inch inseam, go buy yourself a pair of pants that say 34x30. You're body will thank you.

5. On the topic of kids, can't stand em. I think some of em are ok between the ages of not shitting themselves to about 10 (unless he's still shitting himself at 10). Between the ages of 11 and 25 they should be locked up in some sort of forced labour camp. Not like a cruelty camp or anything, but something that forces them to not learn entitlement, and makes them wear normal pants. That way, our society might have a hope in hell when this generation of spoiled, entitled, whiny and FAT children turn into spoiled, entitled, whiny, and fat adults who will be the next leaders of this "free" world.

6. What the hell is it with drivers? I think most people are frickin MO-RONS when they climb in behind the wheel. TURN SIGNALS, USE THEM! OK? When the light turns green for an advanced turn, take your foot of the brake and press the gas pedal. On any advanced green, you should be able to get 4-5 cars through, not just YOU and the guy behind you desparately climbing up your ass just to be able to make it. GO! And why the HELL doesn't anybody have any friggin DEPTH PERCEPTION! It's a red light, so slow down and stop. Don't stop 5 carlengths behind the last car and then creep stop creep stop creep stop UGH that's so fucking anoying! And people, pay attention around you and use some common courtesy, OK? Letting someone in, pulling forward a bit so the guy behind you can get in, letting people merge on the highway. The roads would be better and safer, OK? Just to make things clear, YOU DO NOT OWN THE BLOODY ROAD! You share it with people, and sometimes, it's your fault. YES YOU HEARD ME. You can be at fault too, ok? SO suck it up and get over it!

7.I find cars ugly. I drive a pick up truck, and if at all possible, I'll always drive a pick up truck. Yea yea, I'm a red neck, a yokel, blah blah friggity blah. Just remember that next time you need dirt hauled, or got a load to go to the dump, or need a couple of sheets of drywall, ok?

Thats it, thats all. I'm not tagging anybody, but if you'd like to do this meme, by all means!

10 keen observations:

billymac said...

That first list of your's looks eerily like mine...

Hungry Mother said...

When a kid enters 7th grade, the parents should wave goodbye and expect to have a real conversation after high school graduation, if they're lucky. Not that I have any experience with this, of course.

Mike said...

You know what they say Billy, great minds think alike, fools seldom differ ;)

Hungry, I'm pretty sure kids are lost until they're 25.

Anonymous said...

Awesome list. AWESOME!!!

tanninety said...

Aehehehah Pick-up truck mean the truck that I can pick up with my Geo Metro? :P

Heh heh eh, no but seriously, can you help us move, we've got a couple of cribs and a sectional couch?

DrowseyMonkey said...

Oh my lord...please don't anyone blame me...I just asked the question! LOL

Mike said...

Thanks Mimzie, I try.

Tan - NO! Well, I would, but it's just too damned hot in texas and I got no AC in the truck. You'll have to stuff em into your geo ;)

Drowsey - Oh come on, you love the ranting I know you do!

kev said...

If teens dressed normal, who would we adults make fun of?

Mike said...

Kev, you're righter than you think.

Us adults need something to bitch about or we're not happy.

Maybe we're the ones with the problem ;)

Cyberpunk said...

glad to know you're not in denial of being a redneck :P