Poo Coffee

As my loyal and regular reader(s?) know, I recently had a birthday and turned old. Part of any decent birthday is birthday gifts, and this one was no exception. I'm not a particularly needy guy, and I always ask for no gifts. Also, I'm an ass and I don't deserve it. Regardless, every time, I get nice gifts. I think next year I'm going to ask everyone to pitch in and get me a Ferrari, so no one actually bothers getting me anything.

One gift stood out among the rest. My mom's crazy fun friend "S", has an awesome sense of humour, way down low in the gutter, somewhere where mine hangs out. Well, not as low as mine, but she is a 48 year old mom of two. Anyways, we often trade dirty off colour jokes that makes my mom blush and my dog cover her ears. She got me the best gift I've gotten.

Poo coffee.

Seriously. I opened the gift bag, and there was a coffee grinder. SWEET! I love coffee, and now I can buy the good stuff and grind my own. Thanks S! But no, it wasn't over yet. There was still something else in the bag.

It was a bag of whole coffee beans. Cool, cool, she gave me coffee beans to grind up in the grinder. Sweet, right on. But these beans were not Nabob, or After Eight, or anything like that. It was called Luwak Coffee.

Luwak Coffee is something known as animal coffee. Basically, you get an animal to eat coffee beans, then you sort through their poop, wash them off, and sell them to dumbass rich people for $1000.00 a kilogram. This particular animal is called a civet, some sort of weird Indonesian cat. They claim the coffee tastes better, less bitter, the digestive juices take out the bitter or some such.

So, me being the guy that I am, try it. Just for comparison, see below the picture of coffee beans on the top and cat poo coffee beans on the bottom, and note the difference:



Can you see the difference? I can't.

So, I put the cat poo coffee beans into the grinder, ground them up, put them in my coffee maker, and plugged it in. The first thing I noticed was the aroma of coffee mixed with poo. I just love it when my house smells like poo! At the very least, it makes it easy to dump someone. After smelling your poo house, she'll actually dump you. It's done, and SHE looks like the ass, allowing you to date her friends if you wish, but I digress.

I poured myself a cup and took a sip. Yes, there was a coffee taste in there. But there was a much stronger, over powering taste that went along with it. Can you guess what that taste might be?

At a grand a kilo, this is the stuff of rich people. Interesting isn't it. Who else would pay the average man's monthly take home pay for coffee that tastes like poo and consider it a delicacy? Rich people are just grasping at more and more straws to fake superiority, aren't they?

S, THANK YOU. That was the best laugh I've had all year! I'm sorry that I probably won't be drinking any more of that coffee. Well, maybe next time I'm at your place I'll do the brewing. In the meantime, I'm off to purchase some poor man's coffee beans that haven't been digested by an Indian cat first.