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Monday, December 3, 2007

The evil single friend!

Ladies. Ok, seriously. WTF? I have to ask, what's with this one?

WHY, if you have a boyfriend, or a husband, do you feel their single male friends are so evil?

You're willing to give your significant others friends a fair kick at the can. You know, give them the benefit of the doubt, start out ok, let their personalities make friends or enemies. Rational people stuff. But only if their friends are attached or married!

Us single guys don't get that benefit of the doubt. We start off being jerks, no matter how nice we are. If we're nice, we have ulterior motives. If we're not nice, it's "SEE! I told you he was no good!"

What exactly is it about us single guys that makes us so bad? Do you think we're going to convince him that you're not good enough and to dump your stupid ass and go pick up random chicks?

Do you think we're single because we're baby eating axe murder's?

Do you think that the only way to be a good human being is to have a steady girlfriend or wife, and if that is so, why is that?

Please, would somebody tell me why married females hate single men? Why we have to work extra hard to convice them we're not going to steal their jewlery and rape them?

Seriously, what the hell? Will somebody please set me staight on the female rationale?

10 keen observations:

DrowseyMonkey said...

Well, I'm not sure of the circumstances...but maybe they're worried you're going to lead their hubbies astray...single guys do single guy stuff and maybe the women don't like that. It probably has more to do with the married guy being a jerk more so than you being one. Or...maybe they just don't like ya...as impossible as that seems. Lots of people don't like me and I find that CRAZY but it's true!

billymac said...

yep, pure fear. If you're single, you must be surrounded by hussies and ho's, and live in a strip bar. You do don't you? Can I come over?

Hungry Mother said...

That's the way it is, so look for some really evil married guys for friends. Also, you need two perfect married guys for friends so that you can always say, "Don was there.", when you've gone to an evil place. (Don being one of your perfect friends.)

My wife doesn't do stuff online, so she won't learn my secret.

Mimzie said...

I bet you DO live in a strip bar, don't you? Stay away from my boyfriend you evil bastard!

PS
Though I will totally go to a strip club with you!

Mike said...

All excellent points guys. I will find more perfect married guys to hang with.... although really, it doesn't matter. You could have angel wings and heal cancer with a single touch and your woman will always consider you sub par! :P

Ok Mimzie, but I don't want J thinking i'm an ass!

moooooog35 said...

Wow. Single guys have changed.

When I was single, I was a baby-eating-axe-murdering-kleptomaniac-ass-rapist.

But I had a wicked cool mullet...so most chicks overlooked my small faults.

Hey..it was the 80's.

Mike said...

Shit mooooog35, I was born in late 77, so not only did I miss out on the mullet, I guess I also missed out on the whole baby-eating-axe-murdering-kleptomaniac-ass-rapist
thing. I must be one of those because I'm not married though.

If you ever go through a mid life crisis and revert back to your old single days, want to go into business together?

I suggest we start with a small cart on the street selling babies-on-a-bun. We can then expand and maybe even franchise. The best part is that babies can be offloaded en mass with a pitchfork, making logistics relatively easy.

Cyberpunk said...

*ahem* perhaps they're worried that you will turn gay (or is gay) and out to steal their husbands/boyfriends...?

Mike said...

Cyber, it would take a very special man to turn me gay. None of my big fat hairy friends qualify ;)

Mark Dykeman, The Uncanny Broadcasting Brain said...

I'm not sure, but I think your NC-17 rating might have been turning off the ladies.

Although you did have a G rating for a long time.

I see you mean. Full of contradictions, hard to please. It's impossible.

Well, time to start planning for my wife's tenth wedding anniversary gift. It's only nine months away...