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Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Unidentified Flying Anus


The other night, I was watching a show on the Space channel. It was all about people who claim to have been abducted by Aliens. The stories were amazingly consistent - because there were only four people interviewed (I'm sure the show edited out all the inconsistencies for better ratings). One of the things that the abductees claimed the aliens did was all sorts of probing, including ANAL probing.

What, exactly, can you learn from anal probing?

This is why I'm convinced that if this is true, it's a giant, interstellar practical joke that one species of aliens are playing on another.

Here's how I think it would go.

Alien #1 - Kaptardj, I just snatched another batch. Get the lower orifice probe ready, would you?
Alien #2 - Snardikjas, I don't know. We've been probing the lower orifice of these humans for years now, and all we've found is some stinky brown stuff - EVERY TIME.
Alien #1 - I know it seems like a lot of work, but the Chartulans from the Omacron Gamma system tell us that one in every 2 million humans produces dark matter from it's lower orifice. Can you imagine! A renewable source of fuel for our ship, all for free!
Alien #2 - Praise Jesus!
Alien #1 - What the heck is a Jesus?

Alien #2 - I'm not sure. I was probing a female human, and she gave me this pamphlet and started talking about some sort of Jesus fellow. She told me she was something called a 'Jehova's Witness".
Alien #1 - And then what happened?
Alien #2 - She told me to probe deeper, harder and faster.
Alien #1 - Hmmm, I see. Well anyways, lets get to work. We've only probed 1 million humans thus far, but we're getting close, I can taste it!
Alien #2 - On it, boss!

Alien #1 - Kaptardj, the LOWER orifice, you retard!
Alien #2 - *POP!*, sorry boss!

According to these abductees, one of the things that the aliens were trying to do was to make a human/alien cross breed. For some reason, the aliens told them once perfected, they were going to introduce them into the human population for some reason. They are described as tiny little things with huge, bulbous heads. You know what? I think they are here already! Have a look!

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If you liked the above, you might also like:

Barnyard Brawl
Barnyard Addition
Those Tricky Jehova's
Completely Random
Perverted Video

20 keen observations:

Single In The City said...

Mike Your ass is crazy!!!! stop watching the space channel. I like this post again! I am sitting her wondering if you and Jay are Cousins or something? Both minds have a warped way of thinking up stuff!

Goodness Gracious!
Single!

Tequila Mockingbird said...

i'm ambivalent about anal probing. there have been times when i've let an alien ship into my butt, but usually i'm super drunk. overall, i think i will reserve anal probing for when i'm old, and loose from popping out a couple kids.

jAMiE said...

You are too much...i like how your mind operates!

billymac said...

yeah... if they were going to go through the trouble of abducting people and sticking things up their asses, i would think they would just cut them up like a frog in 7th grade biology.

jAMiE said...

Hi there Mike..i just got your question on my blog and didn't know where to reply..thought i'd do it here...you can always delete.

Tim is in Louisville, Kentucky.

Mr Nosey! Just kidding!

Jay Cam said...

i bet that girl was like

"faster!!!!"

lucky aliens....
: D

Dawn said...

LOL! Are you sure you haven't been abducted? I think someone's been messin with your head :))))

Mike said...

Single - I'm like an older, more experienced Jay. Oh, and better looking too :P

Tequila - I think you might be confused as to where babies come from. You should seek answers.

Jaimie - Thanks!

Billy - maybe they've done a bit of that too?

Jay - always thinking with the little head ;)

Dawn - I have a MESSED head!

Drowsey Monkey said...

You see a little anal focused, but I'm sure that's something you're working out with your therapist ;)

LOL @ the alien conversation .... probably all true! And it's nice to see a new post here young fella...you trying to keep up with me? LOL LOL

Just Sayin' said...

Wait!!! Are you saying that anal probing is not the commonly accepted form of alien greeting???

Then those border patrol agents have a lot of splaining to do!

Jillian said...

Why you gotta bring Midget Mike into this? Don't you know he got mad game?

He's off the hook!

Also, I never got why the aliens would be so concerned with cross-breeding with us. Why is that always their main goal? Going on the possibility of other life forms, you would think they'd want to breed with a species far more advanced than ourselves.

Mike said...

Drowsey - these days all I can manage is a post every other day.

Just Sayin' - Canadian or Mexican? Because the Mexican ones are too lazy. on the other hand, Canada allows gay marriages so you never know ;)

Jillian - two things. 1., why do you think that other species on other planets would necessarily be more advanced than us? Theres equal chance that an intelligent species would be more or less advanced. Also, maybe we are physically strong, or resistant to disease in comparison to what's out there? Point being, we just don't know, but assumptions can be made in either direction.

Mimzie said...

I know someone who swears on all her kids that she's been abducted before. Pfft, I wish they'd come back and take her ass for good!

Tequila Mockingbird said...

nooooooo i know exactly where babies come from... my hoo-haw. but, once that is worn out, that's when i will switch to anal sex. get it now?

Momo Fali said...

So, the aliens have disguised themselves as...proctologists?

Kerstin said...

Here's what I think:

The anal probing thing? That's all for show really. Because humans are so screwy about sex, they do the anal probing thing so that's all the human will remember. And then everyone else will think that person's a crazy perv and no one will believe them, giving the aliens free license to come back and keep on doing their scientific experiment thing...

Or not.

captain corky said...

"I'm not sure. I was probing a female human, and she gave me this pamphlet and started talking about some sort of Jesus fellow. She told me she was something called a 'Jehova's Witness".

LOL!

Jillian said...

Dammit... you're right!

moooooog35 said...

I watched a similar picture about anal probing...

...but it was on Spice, not Space.

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