The Gym Douche

Last night, I was at the gym. Just as I finished loading the bench press with weights, she walked out of the women's change room.

Fifty feet away, she started walking in my direction. She wore a form fitting outfit with a form to match. Not an ounce of fat on this girl, and just the prefect amount of muscle. She had an ass that just wouldn't quit, breasts that defied gravity, and she walked with a wiggle that made my willy tingle. She was the goddess of the gym, and at that moment, had she asked me to do ANYTHING for her, I would have done it.

Then she got close.

Have you heard the term "good from far, but far from good"? How about "butterface", as in everything is good, but her face? No? Well you've heard them now and they apply to this former vision of a goddess.

She had a pretty enough face, I guess, underneath the three inch deep layer of make up. What turned me off, was the "I'm better than you douche" sneer on her face. If anybody looked her way, she shot them a very brief dirty look, as if to say "YOU are not good enough for ME." She looked and acted as if her shit did not stink. Her bum might not have smelled, but there was a rather unpleasant odor about her.

This girl took a bath in the most disgustingly fragrant perfume I've smelled in my life.

As I took this hideous smell in, my chest constricted and I became short of breath. The smell was THAT STRONG. I wonder if she knew just how offensive she was?

For the next hour, I watched this douchebag prance around the gym like she owned the place. The worst part was that she did not put her weights away, and that REALLY aggravates me. If she loaded some plates on a machine, she left them there. If she grabbed a barbell or dumbell from the rack, she left them where they lay when she was done with them. As if gym etiquette didn't apply to her, as if people should clean up after her like the GODDESS she thought she was!

That, my friends, is a real life example of the type of douche you run into on a daily basis. The worst part? If I decided to teach her a lesson by taking ALL the weights she didn't put away and loading them up on her chest, I'd be arrested for it.

I'd like to introduce some legislation that would make being a douchebag illegal. At the very least, any douchebag should be snipped so they could not reproduce and make more douchebags. Who wants to start writing letters to politicians with me?

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