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Friday, May 30, 2008

STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA

What the fuck is it with people and their STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA?

I have STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA at work.
I have STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA with my buddies fiance, BRIDEZILLA and her helmet special maid of honor.
I even have STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA on the motherfucking DOG PARK committee I sit on. IT'S A FUCKING DOGPARK FOR FUCKS SAKES!

People make shit up. They take things out of context. They lie, and pathologically lie to each other. They deceive each other, try to trick each other, and then when STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA invariably happens, they get ALL UPSET about it! Oh, oh, how did this happen?

*BITCHSLAP! What did you THINK was going to happen!

Ugh.

There's absolutely no need for bullshit drama. Keep your head, tell the truth, take things in context, and turn your BULLSHIT OFFENSE meter OFF. You know, the one where you take offense at EVERY FUCKING LITTLE THING!

Keeping STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA in mind, when Spazoid rules the world, STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA will be illegal.

Spazoid's laws will be three fold.

At the first sign of STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA, the parties causing the STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA will be immediately injected with sodium pentathol by the STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA police. For those of you who don't know what sodium pentathol is, it's the truth drug that interrogators use. If you can't lie, deceive, and twist shit, STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA is effectively nullified. I think. Regardless, those caught in the middle of STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA will be immediately compensated by garnishing the salaries of ALL guilty parties to the tune of 10% of their gross income. The victim of STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA will receive monies for no less than three months.

If the same party commits STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA again, they will spend an immediate six months in jail. No trial is offered.

For continued STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA, the perpetrators will be subject to an immediate full frontal lobotomy and they will be relegated to work at Wall Mart as a greeter.

No. I am not being harsh. Think about a world without STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA for a minute. I guarantee without it, humans would already be colonizing a terraformed Mars.

Seriously, think about it.

/Rant over.

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12 keen observations:

Knight said...

Wow, you wouldn't be able to fight over religious views which means less war.... just imagine the possibilities.

Tink said...

As someone who is a bride, but the exact opposite of a bridezilla (almost to the point of being pathetic), I find my counterparts FASCINATING. I can see how you wouldn't though. Di what I do and grab some popcorn, sit back, and make fun of them.

Mimzie Beaumont said...

You are preaching to the choir my friend!

billymac said...

i dunno, in your world, i'm afraid we would end up with 75% of the population working as wal-mart greeters.

Miss Milk said...

Whaaat? You mean it doesn't end when everybody's left puberty behind them?

Damn it. I was so hoping.

Jo said...

Interpersonal drama consistently blows my mind...it's such a freakin waste of time. The other kind of drama, like breaking out some jazz hands spontaneously at the grocery store--that rocks.

Is Bridezilla trying to get you to wear pants to the wedding or what?

I think truth serum causes retardation in 1 of 5 doses.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

sounds like it's time to send her a surprise C.O.D. festish porn and dildos. that might change the situation a little

Lakota said...

bullshit drama...bad. got it.
sorry - "bullshit" kept jumping out at me... that's all i got from the post. do you need me to kick some ass for you Mikey? Please... can i?

Meghan said...

People who invite and live off BULLSHIT DRAMA should have tattoos on their foreheads that say "toxic person" so they would be much easier to avoid on the street.

Real Live Lesbian said...

Have to agree with Meghan. That would make things MUCH simpler.

Drama=stupid

Cinder-Single said...

Hey Boo!!!! I feel you so much!! I mean Drama is just what you just said Bullshit! There are always those that want to carry it around with them..

Yes I am young, but I am so drama free.. and when it comes my way, I stop it right there or just walk away!!

BULLSHIT!!!

Eric Shonkwiler said...

You and I seem to have similar plans for the world. In for a co-dictatorship?