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Monday, April 28, 2008

Things that shouldn't be

Many, if not every human being has a list of things that is a personal affront to them. Things that disgust them, things that just shouldn't be.

Today, I'd like to share with you my shortlist of things that shouldn't be.

1. Man boobies.
I'm not talking about the normal fat guy or the guy that's out of shape, I'm talking about full fledged man boobies. The giant sacks of fat that should only be bestowed upon women. I'm talking the true freaks of nature. And they exist. Perhaps its the hormones in beef, or maybe these guys are hermaphrodites. I don't know, but what I do know, is that man boobies shouldn't be.

2. The unibrow.It's eye brows, SSSSS, with a plural! If you only have one eyebrow, get that shit in the middle plucked. That's just disturbing. Unibrows just shouldn't be.

3. Weight Lifter Chicks.
Do these women honestly think that having bigger biceps than Mr. T is attractive? That having no boobies is hot? That being the one in the relationship to open the jars and kill the spiders makes the man happy? Women should look like women. Men should look like men. Frig, most MEN don't have the kind of muscle these weight lifter chicks have! I don't know about any of you, but when I'm feeling up a women I want to feel soft curves, not hard rippling muscles. In retrospect, these "ladies" aren't going to get beaten by abusive men, but come on. A tazer will do the same thing and is cheaper. Weight lifter chicks just shouldn't be.

4. Moose Knuckles.
Everyone knows camel toe. Camel toe can sometimes be ugly, or attractive, depending on the woman. What we're talking about today is camel toes bigger sister, moose knuckle. There is absolutely NO redeeming feature about moose knuckle, which is why it just shouldn't be.

5. Front ass.

Asses are for the back. Seriously. If you start to grow an ass in the front, it's time to cut back baby. The good part? Because these things cover the reproductive organs, theres a good chance she won't physically be able to reproduce to make more little freaks with two asses.

Asses are for the back, not for the front, which is why front ass just shouldn't be.

6. Transvestites.

Men should be men, and women should be women. That's it, that's all. If you feel you're a woman trapped in a man's body, see a shrink, or get the surgery. Otherwise, just shut up and accept that your ding dong is whats been given to you, and work with it. If you still feel like a woman, then make sure you're the catcher, not the pitcher in your homosexual relationships.

Men are not women, and that's why transvestites
just shouldn't be.

7. Chicks in tight jeans.
Yea, I know what you're thinking. "But Spazoid! Chicks in tight jeans are hot (providing they don't have a front ass). Even the picture you have is of a hot chick!" Yea, I know. They ARE hot! Well, they LOOK hot. A funny thing happens when women wear really tight jeans. Their cooch can't breathe. Yes, I've done the research. What happens is, all of the oxygen loving bacteria, that DO NOT smell, die. Once gone, all of the bacteria that don't need oxygen move into the space formerly occupied by the good bacteria. These bacteria STINK. If a girl is in the habit of wearing tighty tight jeans, and they come off, the smell is enough to make a dog faint.

While hot chicks in tight jeans are nice to look at, they smell worse than fermented poo, which is why it just shouldn't be.

I hope you've enjoyed my shouldn't be short list. Feel free to make your own.

===========
If you liked the above, you might also like:

Fermented Poo

Evangelistic Douchebag
Primates Rule!
I think I threw up in my mouth
Two girls, one cup

26 keen observations:

moooooog35 said...

Fine.

I'll just take my man-boobed-unibrowed-back-assed-tight-jeanwearing self on outta here.

I know when I'm not appreciated.

I'll send you a pic first. I look HOT since my sex change.

Ginormous Boobs said...

I can barely get past the first picture to read the rest of this blog.

billymac said...

what, did you just do an image search on "fucking wrong" to come up with those gems?

new york dactyl said...

oh wow... just wow wow wow.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

hmm, i on occasion wear tight jeans, but i've never had my cooch smell bad. and trust me, i know because ive tasted me upon the lips of many women. i think maybe you have just encountered women with poor poon hygeine. sry 'bout your luck, champ, but dont let sour pussies sour you on tight jeans.

cathouse teri said...

A couple of those pictures were so gross that I don't believe I will be able to eat anything tonight without it coming RIGHT back up!

Cinder-Single said...

That is my Mike, I missed you over the weekend... oh and for that Trannie pic... Some guy came to the blog and asked me that question today?

Sigh.... I am going to have to pass him a pick of my girlie parts!!!

toodle loo & smooches!

Cinder

Meghan said...

No tight jeans, eh? Fine it's nothing but sweatpants and spandex from hear on out.

I'm sure the ladies with moose knuckles won't mind.

Meghan said...

*here

And bodybuilding women also look great in spandex. And guys with man boobs.

Mike said...

Mooog - you're married. Your gonads belong to your wife. Get over it.

boobs - afraid of a little competition?

billymac - i searched for "things Jerry Springer likes"

dactyl - welcome to my blog!

Tequila - wear tight jeans every day for 12 hours straight, and see what your cooch smells like in a week or two.

Teri - good for dieters then?

Cinder Single - not before you pass that picture through me first!!!!!

meghan - ANY pair of jeans made for a moose knuckle would be tight... not enuff denim and such

Lakota said...

And here i thought there were no boobs in existence that you wouldn't covet. Goes to show.
And dood, harsh on 6 and 7. I'm guessing you don't want me to wear the tight leather pants when we go out? They really show off my ass. And I can't say I've ever noticed any thing less than complete enthusiasm when the treasure box is opened for plundering. :P

Jo said...

Just be glad you weren't the person who pierced the nipple on those man-boobs.

Moose knuckles? LOLOLOLOL!

I've met some fabulous queens so I don't agree with you on 6...but they do tend to piss off men. I think it's b/c some of them look so good guys are secretly afraid they'll end up making out with one.

I think you've come across Stinky Puss & are permanently scarred. But tight jeans don't do that for every woman...it's all about the hygiene.

Cinder-Single said...

Mike I came back, why did I Do that? I almost vomited in my mouth!!! The Man boobs are just plain freaking nasty!!!

YUK!

The Divine Miss M said...

Freaky shit.

I'm scarred.

You've made the day much worse.

Congratulations.

Iron Pugilist said...

I greatly disagree on the muscly girls, but that's just me as I have always been turned on by the concept of a woman beating me up.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

hmm, i still think youve just been with some nasty bitches. it's all about maintenance. also, if women dont shave and they have a big bush, moisture gets trapped in their. so i think you should first start with insisting upon shaving/waxing and see if that clears up the stank cooch problem. or just carry around wet wipes.

C.Rag said...

Hot chicks should only wear mini skits that keeps the air blowing.

Mimzie Beaumont said...

I may never be the same after having seen and read this. Never.

cathouse teri said...

Here's the weird thing. I ate (ugh) a Wendy's hamburger last night. I have no idea why. About every couple of months, I decide to have some crappy hamburger. And about halfway thru it, I decide "this sucks!"

Well at around eleven p.m., I had the pleasure of making a visit to the porcelain altar and giving up everything but the ghost!

So reading this again today, with my comment, scary prophecy!

Maybe the hamburger had nothing to do with my upheaval?

The Chronicles of a Fashionista in PDX said...

Remedy for smelly poonany - lots of yogurt :P or probiotic pills :P

R.E.H. said...

That man-boob picture is going to give me nightmares for a month... I think that's the second time you bring bad dreams into my sleep!

About the chicks in tight jeans... it would work if they had a breathing hole in front of their pants... or they could just leave the fly open. Cuz you gotta admit it... it is damned sexy with them tight jeans!

Grey said...

Muhahaha Man ! you craked me up ! not like the moose knuckles though ! those are massive !damn !

Jillian said...

Uhh... yeah. So I subscribe to your blog, right? And imagine my shock when the first pic I see is tigolebitties on a man.


NOT cool.

Hungry Mother said...

After you get 'em out of the jeans, hose 'em down, dude. Then, give 'em the hose.

Lakota said...

it'z been dayz... where are you? you okay?

Knight said...

Pantyhose and underwear the isn't cotton are the major culprits of poon stank. Tight jeans are much lower on the list as they can absorb moisture. You need to find a lady that can keep herself clean.