STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA

What the fuck is it with people and their STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA?

I have STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA at work.
I have STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA with my buddies fiance, BRIDEZILLA and her helmet special maid of honor.
I even have STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA on the motherfucking DOG PARK committee I sit on. IT'S A FUCKING DOGPARK FOR FUCKS SAKES!

People make shit up. They take things out of context. They lie, and pathologically lie to each other. They deceive each other, try to trick each other, and then when STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA invariably happens, they get ALL UPSET about it! Oh, oh, how did this happen?

*BITCHSLAP! What did you THINK was going to happen!

Ugh.

There's absolutely no need for bullshit drama. Keep your head, tell the truth, take things in context, and turn your BULLSHIT OFFENSE meter OFF. You know, the one where you take offense at EVERY FUCKING LITTLE THING!

Keeping STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA in mind, when Spazoid rules the world, STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA will be illegal.

Spazoid's laws will be three fold.

At the first sign of STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA, the parties causing the STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA will be immediately injected with sodium pentathol by the STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA police. For those of you who don't know what sodium pentathol is, it's the truth drug that interrogators use. If you can't lie, deceive, and twist shit, STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA is effectively nullified. I think. Regardless, those caught in the middle of STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA will be immediately compensated by garnishing the salaries of ALL guilty parties to the tune of 10% of their gross income. The victim of STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA will receive monies for no less than three months.

If the same party commits STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA again, they will spend an immediate six months in jail. No trial is offered.

For continued STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA, the perpetrators will be subject to an immediate full frontal lobotomy and they will be relegated to work at Wall Mart as a greeter.

No. I am not being harsh. Think about a world without STUPID BULLSHIT DRAMA for a minute. I guarantee without it, humans would already be colonizing a terraformed Mars.

Seriously, think about it.

/Rant over.

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Roadrage mother fucker!

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Stupidity

Stupidity is prevalent all around us. Everywhere I go, I see stupid people doing stupid things. I was reminded of that last week when I got gas, and this is what I saw (of course, I had to snap a pic).
I can see it now. "Hey boss! Where do you want these boxes that have to be stored in a cool, dry place?" "I don't know Jethro, how about in that there big giant puddle of water?" "Ok goober! You got it!"

DUH! People can't even follow SIMPLE printed instructions.

Stupidity is prevalent everywhere. Seriously. Try talking to people using big words that have more than two syllables. Nine out of ten people will look back at you just like this:
So in honour of stupidity, I googled the word and am going to share with you the first few items found.

Look at this girl.

Apparently dipping her tostito's in a jar of salsa AND sitting on the couch at the same time was just too complex for her. She tried doing all three at once and just fell right over on the floor!

How about this kid?
I can just see how it went right now. "Dargh, horsey! Mommy biwwee wanna go wide horsee! Darrgh!" Never mind the kid is probably 18 years old and still wearing diapers.

Oh, check this idiot out!
"Hey ma! I made me a hand gun that takes artillery shells!" This retard died when the recoil hit him in the head and forced his nose through his face and out the back of the skull. At least we have one less retard out there.

This guy here couldn't be bothered to rent a pick up truck. Now, he'll be buying a new car. DUH!

And the very FIRST thing I found when I searched for stupidity?


'Nuff Said.

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Fucking rant, mother fucker!

I need to blow off a little steam.

After work today, I took the pup to the park. On the way home, I decided to go to the grocery store to get some food. I turn into the grocery store parking lot and what do I see? A fucking douchebag in a piece of shit Taurus wagon blocking BOTH lanes of traffic, waiting for someone to back out of a spot. Lets look at the illustration, shall we?
I wait for what seems like an eternity (about 20 seconds) and then decide I've had enough and pull past these douches and into a spot. The douche pulls into a spot just ahead of me, and gives me a glance. You know the glance. The glance of road rage. The glance that means "what the hell did you do that for, you IN THE WRONG ASSHOLE".

I shoot her the same look back, turn off the truck, tell Jinx I'd be right back and proceed to the store.

Both the drivers side door and the passenger side door fly open and out get a pair of the fattest, ugliest, greasiest, bull dyke lesbians I have EVER seen in my life! They have NO redeeming qualities about them WHATSOEVER. They aren't even worth a cheap threesome after getting drunk. There is no amount of beer on this planet!

The uglier, fatter passenger cranks open her maw. I swear I catch a whiff of rotten tuna when I hear her say "that was fucking ignorant!"

So I look at her and say "WHAT"

After four or five seconds of cud chewing, she replies, "That was just ignorant! You saw us waiting for that space and you WHIPPED around us and took it!"

And I looked at her again and said "WHAT"

She took a moment to scratch at her udders with her hind paw and said "You heard me, that was plain ignorant!'

I hadn't stopped walking towards the store, and both of them were waddling as fast as their fat little legs could carry them to keep up. I had thought about going a little faster, but I heard that people that grossly and morbidly obese could break bones if they went too fast.

At this point we were in the store.

Once more she opened her greasy, disgusting pimple covered maw and said "YOU'RE IGNORANT! YOU JUST WHIPPED AROUND US AND TOOK OUR SPOT!"

I stopped, turned around and looked at IT straight in ITS bovine eyes and said "First off, I didn't whip around you. I waited behind you for almost a minute. Secondly, you know what's fucking ignorant? Blocking both directions of traffic."

She opened her maw again, and before she could utter a single moo I said "NOW FUCK OFF!"

Her eyes glazed over, she turned back to her partner and they both waddled away, leaving me to shop in peace. I finished up my shopping, and paid for my purchases. As I was leaving the cash register, I saw them both down the aisle. I looked at them, and they didn't make eye contact. They moved away and I continued on my way, got into the truck and went home to make my dinner.

Here's the thing. Had they first approached me with their concerns in a decent manner, I would have reciprocated in kind. They were at fault, as was I. We were both guilty of road rage. I'm a reasonable guy, but when presented with bullshit anger (depending on the situation) I will tell you exactly where to go.

In this case, they found out that, yes, they were blocking two lanes of traffic and were being indecisive about their actions. Because of their own ignorance, they were stalling everyone else trying to get in and out of that parking lot. Everyone is human, everyone makes mistakes. If she wanted to have a civil conversation, she would have found out she was blocking two lanes of traffic. She would have apologized, and I would have apologized, and we all would have gotten on with our day. Instead, she found out that she was being a douchebag by yelling at somebody, and having somebody bigger, meaner, and louder give it right back to her.

I didn't like what happened. I didn't like my reaction. I don't feel good about what I did, what I said, or how I reacted. However, she did have it coming to her, and I hope she feels like a fucking heel.

Rant over.

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The dating perils of the small town

Today, I was reading a post on a blog called Chelsea talks smack. It was about her, and her dating problems in New York City. According to her, most of the available men have some sort of sexually transmitted disease and she's not TOUCHING that. I did manage to find a male NYC blogger by the name of Unadater. Perusing his blog, it does seem likely that he has some sort of ghonnaherpesipylaids, or at the very least pubic lice the size of guinea pigs. Her hardships were backed up by one of her commenter's, a fellow female NYC residence, who gave a statistic that there are 770,000 more females in and around NYC than males.

That makes for some pretty harsh odds.

While I feel for Chelsea's plight, I am by nature a selfish son of a bitch (as you might tell by my incredibly self indulgent posts), and would like to talk about the dating scene where I am.

Firstly, you must understand the Country where I live. Canada is an extremely socialist country. We're no communist former U.S.S.R. by any means, but if Marx were alive today, he would probably look at Canada and say "yes, you are definitely heading in the direction of what I had in mind." Think of Canada of the love child of the United States and Communist China, conceived while Sweden did a reach around and Britain teabagged on the lot of us. We're a pretty harsh political leftie sort of place, while still retaining the greed and corruption of the capitalist first world.

In the large urban centers, this kind of world creates a fast paced rush of hard working business types who can easily afford their government sucking back 50% of their yearly income. These types tend to cast their votes in the liberal rankings, because a liberal government means more tax breaks for their giant corporate conglomerations, as well as large write offs for personal businesses. Of course, if you are a "friend" of the corrupt liberal government, you are awarded lucrative government contracts that by pass the usual tendering process, but a rant on criminal governments is for another day.

Rural Canada is a bit different. Because the local economy is slower and laxer, we have a whole populace of people who make suckling of the countries welfare teat a full time occupation. It's not a glamorous lifestyle per say, but these are not glamorous people. Our first world society has created a huge entitlement complex, and people think that they are all owed something for nothing. Coupled with the extremely generous welfare system (that is easy scam if you know what you are doing), we have a whole class of people who would rather receive "free money" then do all the menial jobs that are available and need to be done. These jobs are filled by the hard working overseas immigrants who are flooding our country at an alarming rate.

Should a woman have a baby, and she doesn't know who the father is, the government gives her money. Sometimes that is true; it's not uncommon for these classless young ladies to have several partners a night. Other times it's not so true, as the baby daddy lives with the mommy until a government representative shows up for a visit. If these people need more money, they have another baby, simple as that.

Welfare checks, subsidized housing and free health care can give these people a carefree life of extreme mediocrity. I would HATE to live that way (these people are still impoverished) but many do not care at all. The worst sufferers of this are the children. Many do not have proper clothing, proper nutrition or proper care, but the worst crime in my opinion is the sense of entitlement indoctrinated to these children. We are now on the fourth generation of this scum like class of people.

Did I mention that my town has a LOT of these?

When I moved back to this town at the age of twenty-six to take a job as the municipal water quality technician (an exciting technical job that was exactly what I was looking for!) it didn't take me long to meet someone. A sophisticated NYC lady would probably regard me as a classless country bumpkin, but to the entitled populace of the dregs of my town, I am a catch. I'm educated, I have a good job, I have a decent vehicle (decent meaning it still has it's muffler and is less than 50% rust), and I own my very own completely detached house. Not only did I have it all, all she has to do is live with me for six months. Then we are regarded as a common law couple, and she could leave and take me for half of what I'm worth (so says Canadian law). Yea, all you have to do is live together for six months and t he Canadian government considers you married. I don't mean to be harsh, but it is a common occurrence here. I stay on my toes because I worked to hard for what I have to be forced to give it to some greedy fucking ass hat looking for a free ride at the sweat of my brow.

Anyways, this girl was twenty nine, slim, and blond. We made a date to go out for coffee. When I arrived at her door, a nine year old girl answered. As it turns out, this was her daughter. I didn't mind that at all. I'm open to someone having a kid, but I'd like to be told about it, naturally. I asked her if she was ready, and she said yes, and her and her daughter came out. I asked her if she had a babysitter for the kid. She said no, it's ok, she'll just come with us. Really, that's not a good first date thing, at least I think so. I told her I didn't mind rescheduling for a time more convenient, but she insisted. As soon as we got to the coffee shop, her kid started tugging on my sleeve and hollering loudly for an ice cap. The next forty minutes was dominated by this super hyped up little girl; it didn't give me a chance to learn anything from the overly oblivious mom. I didn't take her out again, if this was a foreshadow of things to come.

They weren't all this bad, but to sum up my dating experience here to date, I'll tell you about one more. This was a twenty-one year old third generation welfare lifer, who was enamored by me. She had a six month old child, who had been taken away at birth. She was three months pregnant. Both were by different fathers. To make a long story short, I ran for the hills.

To make it fair, and to prevent a horde of angry women spitting rabid comments at me, I'm not saying all people are like the above. It just seems a disproportionate number of people, for economic reasons, like that, live in my town and it seems to be difficult to find a good woman who isn't, at least here. The welfare system is meant as a helping hand from the rest of Canada to someone who has fallen on hard times. I rest easy at night knowing my incredibly high taxes go to do good things, and even give me a safety net to help me back on my feet should I fall on hard times. Many, many people who use it do so only to get back on their feet, and are deserving of help. Not everyone is a scumbag.

Anyways, I would rather remain alone than be stuck with a person who's main goal in life is to drink beer, smoke cigarettes, pretend to look for work and pop out children by different men to get more "free money". I want someone who's ambitions are normal, like mine, who's work ethic is good, like mine, and who thinks about the good of the whole, not just the good of themselves. I know there is someone out there like that! And I'm taking applications!

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The Gym Douche

Last night, I was at the gym. Just as I finished loading the bench press with weights, she walked out of the women's change room.

Fifty feet away, she started walking in my direction. She wore a form fitting outfit with a form to match. Not an ounce of fat on this girl, and just the prefect amount of muscle. She had an ass that just wouldn't quit, breasts that defied gravity, and she walked with a wiggle that made my willy tingle. She was the goddess of the gym, and at that moment, had she asked me to do ANYTHING for her, I would have done it.

Then she got close.

Have you heard the term "good from far, but far from good"? How about "butterface", as in everything is good, but her face? No? Well you've heard them now and they apply to this former vision of a goddess.

She had a pretty enough face, I guess, underneath the three inch deep layer of make up. What turned me off, was the "I'm better than you douche" sneer on her face. If anybody looked her way, she shot them a very brief dirty look, as if to say "YOU are not good enough for ME." She looked and acted as if her shit did not stink. Her bum might not have smelled, but there was a rather unpleasant odor about her.

This girl took a bath in the most disgustingly fragrant perfume I've smelled in my life.

As I took this hideous smell in, my chest constricted and I became short of breath. The smell was THAT STRONG. I wonder if she knew just how offensive she was?

For the next hour, I watched this douchebag prance around the gym like she owned the place. The worst part was that she did not put her weights away, and that REALLY aggravates me. If she loaded some plates on a machine, she left them there. If she grabbed a barbell or dumbell from the rack, she left them where they lay when she was done with them. As if gym etiquette didn't apply to her, as if people should clean up after her like the GODDESS she thought she was!

That, my friends, is a real life example of the type of douche you run into on a daily basis. The worst part? If I decided to teach her a lesson by taking ALL the weights she didn't put away and loading them up on her chest, I'd be arrested for it.

I'd like to introduce some legislation that would make being a douchebag illegal. At the very least, any douchebag should be snipped so they could not reproduce and make more douchebags. Who wants to start writing letters to politicians with me?

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