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Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Small town idiot


I like to assume the best out of everybody. You have to start on a positive foot and work your way down (or up) as he or she proves themselves, right? That works sometimes, but since living and working in a small town for three years now, I've almost started doing the opposite. It's horrible, but true.

Similar to my small town boners post, this is about a particular person that works the municipality . She is the receptionist, and her major role (which she doesn't do very well) is to answer the phone and direct calls. Last week I called in and asked for a coworker.

R: Hello, County of *Edit*. How may I direct your call?
Me: I'd like to speak to (name withheld).
R:Certainly, one moment
ring ring, ring ring
Answering Machine: You've reached the voicemail of (not the right person).
Me: pushing zero to get the operator
R:Hello, County of *Edit*. How may I direct your call?
Me: Yes, I was trying to reach (name withheld).
R:She's on the phone
Me:Ok, but why did you pass me to (not the right person)
R:Because (name withheld) is on the phone
Me:But why her? She's not even in the same department as the person I want to speak to
R:Oh, well, I thought she could help you anyway
Me:She can't even alert the person I want to talk to, she's on the other side of the building!
R:Oh. Well, let me transfer you to (not the right person)
Me: NO! I just came from there! Couuld you please transfer me to (name withheld)voice mail?
R: One moment, please

UHHH DUHHHH! What is going on in that brain of hers? I would understand if she transfered me to the person sitting next to her, that MIGHT make sense. Wow. I wonder if she even remembers her own name? How she functions? I know some people are illogical, but I bet this idiot can't even brush her teeth without poking herself in the eye!

This person also collects money for coffee. Coffee costs $0.25 per cup, and there's a sign over the money can that says "Please see (name of dummy) to make change if you require it." One day I only had a $1.00 coin on me, and I wanted coffee. I poured myself a cup, and made my way to see her for change. I showed her the cup and said "I only have this dollar coin, but I got a coffee. Could you make change?"

She says, ready for this?

"Ok, how much change did you want back from that?"

UUUHHH DUUHHHHHH!

You know, maybe I was the dumb one for not profiting from her stupidity. "I'll need four quarters and two dimes, ok?" I bet she would have given them to me. It's a good thing the even bigger dummies in payroll pay her $18.00 an hour to answer the phone, otherwise she'd squander all her money away on dumb purchases. "How much is this chocolate bar? $1.00? Here's a $5.00, that's not more than one right? No? Ok, see you!"

Is there something in the water, or is it just the teeny tiny gene pool? At the very least, the women around here don't have to change their last names when they get married.

This has just scratched the surface of my small town idiot experiences. I'd like to hear about some dummy run ins of your own, and I'm sure you all have some.

2 keen observations:

TanNinety said...

Not sure if this falls under the village idiot or the village innocent category.

A bunch of us guys were joshing around one day and someone said, "wouldn't it be funny if babies came out of the mouth if someone swallows in a bj". And Mr. Logical blurts out, "that's stoopid man, it's like saying the babies are going to come out of the vagina if you have intercourse"

After the hysterical laughter died down we had to explain to him where babies indeed came from. He was apparently thinking that's what the navel was for. Navel's just a chicken butt that pops up on you when you eat too much chicken.

Mike said...

Babies come out of the Vagina?

Man, you learn something new every day!