Those Homosexuals

I'm a living contradiction. Even though I'm quite the insensitive jerk, I'm also all about tolerance.

I have tolerance for homosexuals just as I have tolerance for people that have different beliefs than I do, because being different is what living on this planet is all about. I even tolerate those idiotic asshats (I'm looking at you, fundamentalist religious zealots) who hate me because I'm not like them. And that makes me better than them! Whoohoo I'm better than somebody!

Today though, I'm talking about homosexuals. My stance on homosexuality is the same as my stance on heterosexuality (of which I'm a member), bi sexuality, animal humping and impaling yourself on various objects or parts while wearing leathers and cutting yourself with rusty mopeds. I want those of you who are intolerant asshats to listen closely (I'm looking at you, fundamentalist religious zealots).

WHAT HAPPENS BEHIND CLOSED DOORS BETWEEN CONSENTING ADULTS IS THEIR BUSINESS, AND THEIR BUSINESS ONLY.

Got that? Good.

Because what I'm about to say next doesn't sound particularly tolerant at all, but it's the way I feel!

Guys doing guys are gross. Really. I think about myself doing a guy and I gag. And listen here, guys, you have ALL thought about it. You cannot make a decision on your stance without thinking about it. As a matter of fact, you have to think about it just to say that you think it's gross! So chew on that.

On that subject, I've prepared some diagrams on the proper use of male body parts.
Now that we understand what the acceptable entry device is, and the uses for the rest of the male anatomy, let's look at the use of the entry device within the female anatomy.
I hope I've been clear.

Now, let's move on to my stance on lesbians.

Yummy! Would anyone else like to be the meat in that sandwich as much as I would? Well, yes, just every single one of my heterosexual male readers!

Butt (hehe) really. This is my tribute to homosexuals everywhere!


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The Absurdity of Homophobia

Proof positive of a small mind is homophobia. It matters not if you're homophobic because of religious reasons or you feel somehow threatened by gays or whatever. It is stupid, it is wrong, and you should be bitch slapped for it.

I can proudly say I am not homophobic. Yes, I make fun of gay people, but I make fun of straight people and stupid people and smart people and... well you get the drift. If you're alive and breathing you're a target of good fun, and hey, SO AM I.

I will let you in on a dark, guarded secret of mine. I was once a homophobic. You see, I grew up in a small town. Small towns have a small mentality, and part of that is a rejection of anything that they don't feel is the norm. It was beaten into me as a small child that fags are horrid abominations of nature and should be chastised and beaten. The only good fag was a dead fag. Of course, if you didn't feel that way, then by default you MUST be homosexual, you dirty cock smoking faggot!

I was the victim of indoctrination. It wasn't religious indoctrination but it was just as powerful and effective. I was indoctrinated into the mindset of hate fags.

It wasn't until the first year of college that I came to the startling realization I so badly needed. It came from a man named Jamie.

Jamie was a small guy, of short stature, dark skinned and a great sense of humour. He lived on the same floor of residence as I did, and I took an instant liking to him as most people did. He joked around, always had the right thing to say at the right moment. He liked sports, he loved beer, and he was quick to punch his male buddies on the shoulder as males tend to do when bonding.

In short, he was the typical, all around good guy. He was just like me and any of the other guys, whats more, he was the POPULAR guy. Then, everything changed, at least for me. He came out. I was in shock, I was stunned. How could this all around man's man be gay? Where was his lisp? Why didn't he prance around in dresses and wear make up and hold his wrist limply?

When he came out, he said he couldn't be living this lie any more, that he had to tell us so he could get on with his life, with himself. He said he was so scared to tell us for fear of becoming the outcast and black sheep of residence. He was afraid that he would lose all of his friends and have nobody.

This man had BALLS. He risked everything he had in the social circle, and maybe even some hate beatings, to come out, to live his life like he is want to do. You know what? NOTHING CHANGED. Everybody was accepting. Nobody cared what his sexual preference was, and life continued as normal, but perhaps with a tinge more respect for this brave man than before.

It was then I came to the realization that I'm glad I came to. Jamie was just like me. He was no different. He has the same sense of humour, he liked the same things, we were still friends. The only difference was, he likes guys sexually, and I like girls sexually.

So tell me, who's business is it what two consenting adults do behind closed doors? Homosexual or heterosexual, NOBODIES but those consenting adults.

Homophobia is childish, it's immature, and it is the sign of a stupid and weak mind. I was once homophobic, and I am ashamed of that. But I am not like that anymore. I grew up, and I hope someday the homophobics of the world can do the same.