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Friday, June 27, 2008

Can I see your Burgina?

When I was a youngster, sometime in the 20's, the school boards decided to introduce sex ed.

Ok, so It was introduced before me and I had it in 1990 when I was in grade 6 but still, It was a long time ago.

Anyways, people were a little more.... tight back then. And the sex education class wasn't as nearly as evolved as it is today. As such, the class was short, to the point, and left all the kids more confused than when they went in. Below is the teachings of that class.


That's important information, because I'm about to tell you about my first sexual encounter.

You see, I was in grade seven, and was dating a girl named T. I was dating her by proxy; she wanted my friend G but G wanted nothing to do with her. So I said "How about me?" and we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Dating was so much simpler back then.

We were both very young. She didn't even have boobs yet. Hell, none of the girls had boobs yet, unlike nowadays when you can go to Wal*Mart and purchase special training bra's for toddlers. Yes, it's ridiculous. There's a school three houses down from me and from the distance I mistook the grade eight graduation for a parade of strippers. Nuff said.

Anyways, T and I were alone, in a house, no parents around. We were fooling around and I asked if I could see her burgina. She dropped her pants. Huh, interesting. She asked if she could see my peanuts. So I dropped my pants. Huh, interesting. She then asked if she could touch my peanuts.

Folks, I'm sure you all know that peanuts, as in the nut, come in a shell and you all know what you have to do to get them out.

The loving fondle I was looking for was more like a SMASH!

And the resulting lawsuit had the school revise it's policy on sex ed to be way less stuffy.

My pain is your children's gain.

Your welcome.


If you liked the above, you might also like:

Sage Advice
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Revenge of the Aussie

9 keen observations:

Real Live Lesbian said...

Was that YOU???? *wink*

Sorry your peanuts got smashed by that bitch with a burgina!

moooooog35 said...

You got your peanuts in my burgina!

You got your burgina in my peanuts!

Two great tastes, that taste great together.

Mike said...

lesbian: i almost turned gay after that, but then I sample a burgina that didn't crush my peanuts, and found out how good burgina really is.

moooooooooog - hands down the funniest fucking comment I've ever had on this blog! FUCKING FUNNY!

The people at work saw me on my bucket and said "that mooooog is at it again"

Meghan said...

Like most nuts this one should come with a warning on the packaging.(Contents may explode under pressure, handle with care?)

Much less likely to get smashed by a burgina.

Knight said...

Moooog is so f'ing funny.

Have you watched this?

Mike said...

Meghan - if it was smashed by a burgina, it might have been A OK.

Knight - yes! I remember that one... You know, from the looks of that girl, it looks like she may have had a few peanuts in her hand before.

Slick said...


Good thing I read this with my legs crossed. I'm aching just thinking about it...

Anonymous said...

Man!! This goes to show, don't show your peanuts to just anyone!!!

And I agree with you when it comes to the dressing of these gals here lately! they need to make sure they keep it covered up!!!

I am such a full for Modesty!!!

See ya!!!

billymac said...

very nice, peanuts and burginas. did ya smack her in the burgina after your boiled peanuts were smooshed?