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Monday, March 31, 2008

Those Homosexuals

I'm a living contradiction. Even though I'm quite the insensitive jerk, I'm also all about tolerance.

I have tolerance for homosexuals just as I have tolerance for people that have different beliefs than I do, because being different is what living on this planet is all about. I even tolerate those idiotic asshats (I'm looking at you, fundamentalist religious zealots) who hate me because I'm not like them. And that makes me better than them! Whoohoo I'm better than somebody!

Today though, I'm talking about homosexuals. My stance on homosexuality is the same as my stance on heterosexuality (of which I'm a member), bi sexuality, animal humping and impaling yourself on various objects or parts while wearing leathers and cutting yourself with rusty mopeds. I want those of you who are intolerant asshats to listen closely (I'm looking at you, fundamentalist religious zealots).

WHAT HAPPENS BEHIND CLOSED DOORS BETWEEN CONSENTING ADULTS IS THEIR BUSINESS, AND THEIR BUSINESS ONLY.

Got that? Good.

Because what I'm about to say next doesn't soun
d particularly tolerant at all, but it's the way I feel!

Guys doing guys are gross. Really. I think about myself doing a guy and I gag. And listen here, guys, you have ALL thought about it. You cannot make a decision on your stance without thinking about it. As a matter of fact, you have to think about it just to say that you think it's gross! So chew on that.

On that subject, I've prepared some diagrams on the proper use of male body parts.
Now that we understand what the acceptable entry device is, and the uses for the rest of the male anatomy, let's look at the use of the entry device within the female anatomy.
I hope I've been clear.

Now, let's move on to my stance on lesbians.

Yummy! Would anyone else like to be the meat in that sandwich as much as I would? Well, yes, just every single one of my heterosexual male readers!

Butt (hehe) really. This is my tribute to homosexuals everywhere!


==========

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27 keen observations:

billymac said...

hahahaha... that family guy/lego song is classic... and lesbians rule, as long as they are of the lipstick variety...

Single In The City said...

LOL!!!! HAHAHAHAHA! I cannot stop laughing.. Oh my goodness Revelation maybe I am a Lesbian that is why I don't have a man or Have sex? Naw Even tho I have not had sex.. I prefer the Pole not the hole!!!

I like this.. and Yes I like the cartoon version of Broke Back Mountain.. HEHE!!

Single

Mike said...

billymac - oh hell yes, not like those disgusting bull dykes that called me "ignorant" LOL!

Single - I see you've thought about that too.

You know, women are very good at pleasing each other, and I think technically as long as the entry tool doesn't go into any orifice it doesn't count.

Anybody want to pass judgment on that one?

Jillian said...

*shakes head*

I don't even know what to say.

*****

If a Lesbian hits on me, I know I'm doing something right.

Meghan said...

Is is sad that your picture show turned me on? I think I need to get laid...

Grey said...

I gag ! i can't imagine someone else's shit on my dick ! yuk !

But Lesbinims are hot ...

C.Rag said...

Don't forget about ear sex.

moooooog35 said...

You need to work in the nostrils here. There's an extra bonus, because she can STILL breath through the other one.

Of course, she ends up looking like some kind of weird African tribal expirement with one nostril all stretch to sh*t...but, really...do you care once you pay her and send her on her way?

Hungry Mother said...

Ummm, please skip my blog today.

Mike said...

Jillian - take that as a compliment!

meghan - which pictures turned you on, exactly? Just wondering ;)

Grey - I take it you're not a fan of ass to mouth?

c.rag - she'd have to have big ears!

moooooooooog - what I said to rag, but with nostrils

Hungry - April fools!

Tequila Mockingbird said...

i'm a proud bisexual. as much as i love eating poon, i probably couldnt live without the cock. i'm probably like 60-40% guys-chicks.

anyway, what pisses me off are the fake bi girls. i call them barsexuals. they make out with other chicks to get some dude hot or free drinks. i'm on board with the free drinks, but i dont want to be teased. once you start the gropage, you find out who's REALLY bi...

Meghan said...

Anatomically correct peen+ anatomically correct vadge+ women kissing. I'm easily entertained it seems :P

Mimzie said...

You are as entertaining as ever.

Mike said...

tequila - I think you're referring to bi curious girls?

Meghan - peen + vadge + women kissing - I'm not sure if you'd go for me OR tequila, but I'm thinking probably both :P

mimzie - I try...

R.E.H. said...

What a male chauvanistic anti-queer post!

And, yet... I agree to the fullest! Nothing like some good lesbian sex! ;)

Knight said...

You forgot one other thing that men's mouths should be used for. Honestly the most important thing.
Now, are you suuuure you don't like men? Cause it kinda sounds like you do. Just a little.

Mike said...

r.e.h - anti queer eh? Sounds like you enjoyed it too!

Knight - that use is reserved for women that have EARNED it. Trust me when I say that men have the short end of the stick when it comes to that....really, hygiene anybody?

Also, if you're trying to get me to join in with you and your boyfriend, fine, I will, but only when your boyfriend is out of state. :P

Single In The City said...

Mike: So that means that the womans mouth is only available if HE has EARNED it also?

What ever happened to the classic way to screw? I mean com'on!!!!

I would not make a good Lesbian,I am so into my self and i am not going down I hate to kiss!

Shit I just want a companion LOL!!!!
Someone to Bitch with, Then I am Happy!

Knight said...

I'll agree with earning it. Single is right about it working both ways. Regarding the hygiene, I've done both and you can find a hygiene problem on both sexes darling. You just have to pick cleaner people.
Ha, I'm pretty sure my boyfriend would not be okay with bringing in another guy. He doesn't even want another girl around.

Knight said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mike said...

Single: Sounds like you want a girlfriend (not in the sexual way)

Knight: I'll have to defer to you since my experience has only been with females ;)

Iron Pugilist said...

For some reason, lesbians don't turn me on. I actually feel kinda jealous. I imagine that I'm in a room with two hot girls and then they start making out. First thing that pops in my head is "Shit, I can't be that ugly."

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