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Tuesday, March 4, 2008

The dating perils of the small town

Today, I was reading a post on a blog called Chelsea talks smack. It was about her, and her dating problems in New York City. According to her, most of the available men have some sort of sexually transmitted disease and she's not TOUCHING that. I did manage to find a male NYC blogger by the name of Unadater. Perusing his blog, it does seem likely that he has some sort of ghonnaherpesipylaids, or at the very least pubic lice the size of guinea pigs. Her hardships were backed up by one of her commenter's, a fellow female NYC residence, who gave a statistic that there are 770,000 more females in and around NYC than males.

That makes for some pretty harsh odds.

While I feel for Chelsea's plight, I am by nature a selfish son of a bitch (as you might tell by my incredibly self indulgent posts), and would like to talk about the dating scene where I am.

Firstly, you must understand the Country where I live. Canada is an extremely socialist country. We're no communist former U.S.S.R. by any means, but if Marx were alive today, he would probably look at Canada and say "yes, you are definitely heading in the direction of what I had in mind." Think of Canada of the love child of the United States and Communist China, conceived while Sweden did a reach around and Britain teabagged on the lot of us. We're a pretty harsh political leftie sort of place, while still retaining the greed and corruption of the capitalist first world.

In the large urban centers, this kind of world creates a fast paced rush of hard working business types who can easily afford their government sucking back 50% of their yearly income. These types tend to cast their votes in the liberal rankings, because a liberal government means more tax breaks for their giant corporate conglomerations, as well as large write offs for personal businesses. Of course, if you are a "friend" of the corrupt liberal government, you are awarded lucrative government contracts that by pass the usual tendering process, but a rant on criminal governments is for another day.

Rural Canada is a bit different. Because the local economy is slower and laxer, we have a whole populace of people who make suckling of the countries welfare teat a full time occupation. It's not a glamorous lifestyle per say, but these are not glamorous people. Our first world society has created a huge entitlement complex, and people think that they are all owed something for nothing. Coupled with the extremely generous welfare system (that is easy scam if you know what you are doing), we have a whole class of people who would rather receive "free money" then do all the menial jobs that are available and need to be done. These jobs are filled by the hard working overseas immigrants who are flooding our country at an alarming rate.

Should a woman have a baby, and she doesn't know who the father is, the government gives her money. Sometimes that is true; it's not uncommon for these classless young ladies to have several partners a night. Other times it's not so true, as the baby daddy lives with the mommy until a government representative shows up for a visit. If these people need more money, they have another baby, simple as that.

Welfare checks, subsidized housing and free health care can give these people a carefree life of extreme mediocrity. I would HATE to live that way (these people are still impoverished) but many do not care at all. The worst sufferers of this are the children. Many do not have proper clothing, proper nutrition or proper care, but the worst crime in my opinion is the sense of entitlement indoctrinated to these children. We are now on the fourth generation of this scum like class of people.

Did I mention that my town has a LOT of these?

When I moved back to this town at the age of twenty-six to take a job as the municipal water quality technician (an exciting technical job that was exactly what I was looking for!) it didn't take me long to meet someone. A sophisticated NYC lady would probably regard me as a classless country bumpkin, but to the entitled populace of the dregs of my town, I am a catch. I'm educated, I have a good job, I have a decent vehicle (decent meaning it still has it's muffler and is less than 50% rust), and I own my very own completely detached house. Not only did I have it all, all she has to do is live with me for six months. Then we are regarded as a common law couple, and she could leave and take me for half of what I'm worth (so says Canadian law). Yea, all you have to do is live together for six months and t he Canadian government considers you married. I don't mean to be harsh, but it is a common occurrence here. I stay on my toes because I worked to hard for what I have to be forced to give it to some greedy fucking ass hat looking for a free ride at the sweat of my brow.

Anyways, this girl was twenty nine, slim, and blond. We made a date to go out for coffee. When I arrived at her door, a nine year old girl answered. As it turns out, this was her daughter. I didn't mind that at all. I'm open to someone having a kid, but I'd like to be told about it, naturally. I asked her if she was ready, and she said yes, and her and her daughter came out. I asked her if she had a babysitter for the kid. She said no, it's ok, she'll just come with us. Really, that's not a good first date thing, at least I think so. I told her I didn't mind rescheduling for a time more convenient, but she insisted. As soon as we got to the coffee shop, her kid started tugging on my sleeve and hollering loudly for an ice cap. The next forty minutes was dominated by this super hyped up little girl; it didn't give me a chance to learn anything from the overly oblivious mom. I didn't take her out again, if this was a foreshadow of things to come.

They weren't all this bad, but to sum up my dating experience here to date, I'll tell you about one more. This was a twenty-one year old third generation welfare lifer, who was enamored by me. She had a six month old child, who had been taken away at birth. She was three months pregnant. Both were by different fathers. To make a long story short, I ran for the hills.

To make it fair, and to prevent a horde of angry women spitting rabid comments at me, I'm not saying all people are like the above. It just seems a disproportionate number of people, for economic reasons, like that, live in my town and it seems to be difficult to find a good woman who isn't, at least here. The welfare system is meant as a helping hand from the rest of Canada to someone who has fallen on hard times. I rest easy at night knowing my incredibly high taxes go to do good things, and even give me a safety net to help me back on my feet should I fall on hard times. Many, many people who use it do so only to get back on their feet, and are deserving of help. Not everyone is a scumbag.

Anyways, I would rather remain alone than be stuck with a person who's main goal in life is to drink beer, smoke cigarettes, pretend to look for work and pop out children by different men to get more "free money". I want someone who's ambitions are normal, like mine, who's work ethic is good, like mine, and who thinks about the good of the whole, not just the good of themselves. I know there is someone out there like that! And I'm taking applications!


If you liked the above, you might also like:

Bathroom Etiquette
Those Dirty Fag Suckers
The absurdity of the Canadian Criminal Code
To be the Canadian
What NOT to say to a woman

34 keen observations:

Hungry Mother said...

I admire your scruples, but I'd just be careful in counting up to the magic 6 months and enjoy 5 months and 27, 28, 29, or 30 days of sex (depending on which month and whether it's leap year) with my current trashy woman. I assume the government issues paper bags for the attractive-impaired females?

Anonymous said...

Mike it is like that here also! with the women and their baby daddy!

Most of the men have to many children and I refuse to put up with the baby mama drama! It is alright if they have a kid, but the mom's here think we (g/f) owes them something! I refuse to be myself in that situation. I will wait unti "the one" comes around!

You are to good of a man to settle for them ragamuffins anyway!


Maybe I should move to Canada? LOL!

The Chronicles of a Fashionista in PDX said...

You really don't have much of a selection there! Isn't there such a thing as female empowerment in your neck of the woods? Most women that I am around were raised to be leaders or to function without the need of a man's bank account or to live off of welfare.
But then again, if you live in a small town then the mentality is a little skewed compared to cities, is that not correct? When I lived in a small town I knew a lot of girls who just wanted to get married after high school and pop out kids because they didn't believe they could ever leave the town.
I don't know. I've always wanted to be successful in life, so I've never understood why people always tried to take advantage of broken governmental systems.

Anonymous said...

I don't know why people don't like to work anyway! A lot of guys think because I come from a well off family I am going to take care of them! pfft! I will not take care of a man!

Where in the hell did he get that from? And I agree with Chelsea when it comes to men in NY been there! ONE night stands are not for me! I want more and I want a complete Physical from the Dr office, delivered to me in my hand.

Okay I am done!

Megan said...

Wow...for some reason I was imagining Canada as this wonderfully serene place where there are no ghettos or women of ill repute. I'm not sure where I got this fantasy wonderland ideal from, but you sure have burst my bubble.

I've got the problem of snotty and non-committal men in my neck of the woods. I'm not sure which is worse....

So good luck! May you be a 'baby daddy' many times over. kidding!

Jillian said...

Damn, I was hoping those links from "reach around" and "teabagging" were to videos.

I've never felt such disappointment.

Umm... yeah. Your dating situation sucks. Honestly, I wish you the best of luck.

The world of dating can be cruel and I don't miss


Mike said...

Hungry - Did I mention that these women are almost always extremely overweight with some serious front ass and more body hair than me?

Single - Just let me know when, I'll leave the key in the mailbox. I'll be home at 5 ;)

Fashionista - you'd think so wouldn't you? But as you said, it's a whole different mentality out here.

Megan - Many parts of Canada are as you describe.... there are good and bad everywhere you go.

Jillian - this blog is rated NC-17. If you want those kind of video's, and you like them, I'm pretty sure you know where to get them/have them already ;)

Just Sayin' said...

Wow! I had no idea Canada was so... So... Well so FUCKING AWESOME!

Jillian said...

I'm just sayin... when you click words like that, you expect... something.

tanninety said...

Good one! Probably The funniest post on your blog. You are getting better at this.

Luv'd it!

Anonymous said...

I am now officially scared of ever going to Canada!

Knight said...

Speaking for NYC people, you get what you surround yourself with. If you are prowling for men at the bar you are always going to find the same type of douchbag. If you have trashy friends and you only meet people through them... well, guess what you will find. There is a lot of opportunity to find cool, worthwhile, single people in a big city. As for a tiny town my best guess would be try really hard to get involved in something community oriented to meet a decent person.

The Chronicles of a Fashionista in PDX said...

Soooo... maybe you should move? Or sucker a girl into moving there?


Lakota Princess said...

ye Gods Mike!
I feel almost obligated to give you a pity butt squeeze.
Note to self: Canada is scary, stay the hell away.

Mike said...

Knight - you hit the nail RIGHT on the head.

You did see the parody it was intended to be.

Mike said...

Tan - Oh come on, I've had other good posts!

Fashionista - when are you coming ;)

lakota P - you present your hand, I'll present my ass.

The Chronicles of a Fashionista in PDX said...

Mike - No, no, no, I'm seriously obese with a front ass and am probably hairier than you! ;)

Lakota Princess said...

mmmmhmmmm.... now that's what i like to hear Mike. Would you prefer bare hand or flogger?

dactyl said...

i'm sorry, but had i been anywhere near to you at that coffee shop watching you "enjoying" your first date with this woman, and dealing with her child... I WOULD HAVE LAUGHED MY TOOSHIE OFF.

i can't believe that she had the nerve to do that. un- REAL.

i say this all the time, and i maintain this view regardless of where you live and how many single people live in your town (p.s. i love a good shout out, so thanks!), dating is hard and, most of the time, NOT fun.

i wish you luck. and i'll be back to keep an eye on your shenanigans.

Anonymous said...

Mike Mike Mike!! I am still Laughing at you, I had to come back to check on this. LOL!

You are a nut! but gotta luv ya!!


Anonymous said...

That Chelsea may not have at so bad after all.

The welfare system in your country sounds about just as wonderful as ours in the U.S.

Have you thought of dating someone from the next town over perhaps?

Tequila Mockingbird said...

yeah, i've already had some interesting dating experiences and i've only been single for a little over a month. i find myself incredibly bored, annoyed and disgusted by the dbags out there. they havent all been awful, but so far, no dice.

hmm... you DO sound like a catch. you should email me a pic of your dick and we can chat.

tanninety said...

Strawman Mike :P I didn't say your other posts weren't good. To me this was the goodest of them all! The Sweden reach around and the Britain teabagging orgy of the swinging couple whores that is the US and China did it in for me.

May be you should look on I can imagine drowseymonkey giggling somewhere.

Jay Cam said...

the really bad thing about living in a small town is that by the time you are 25 everyone almost has slept with each other.

not personal experience!

Anonymous said...

Mike what was the joking statement we used to say a few years ago when i lived on west st and you were going over to the coffee shop to meet up with some of these women for the first time? This blog so reminds me of it but i just cant put the words to mouth. (laughing inside just thinking about it)


Meghan said...

I am Canadian.
I am successful.
I have sprung no children from my loins.
Actually I've never spring anything from my loins.
What are loins?

K, back on track...
And I am still single. Meh.
But I graduated from that same small Canadian town you speak of where a large majority of gals/guys had children by their grade 12 photos.

sweets said...

i also had a total different picture of canada... well now i don't feel so bad anymore ;)

Mike said...

Fashionista - that's a pretty slim shadow for front ass ;)

L.P. - start with the hand... and work your way up to the buick.

dactly - let me spread the love a little and add your link to the post.. I'll do it on lunch break.

Single - i'm not a nut, but I have two!

Step right up - Hamilton chicks have their own issues.. even worse than ours.

Tequila - If I send you some love, you have to reciprocate!

Tan - opinion my friend!

Jay - sure it isn't ;)

Joe - I won't mention it here so I can use it in a future post.

meghan - ok, you hooked me. Want to go out for a drink?

sweets - it ain't all bad... but you'd be surprised how much the same we all are, in every country.

Meghan said...

K, well I'm in BC and you're in Ontario, so wanna meet up for a nice dinner in Regina?

The Divine Miss M said...

Wow you should be from Cape Town. We don't have the problem with people having kids but everyone of the same generation knows everyone via some connection.

You might a really nice guy out and then discover that your best friend already has dated him along with her good friend and their sister.

Seriously bad.

I can't believe she brought the kid out on a date with you though! That is classic.

Mike said...

Woa, Meghan, regina? Really? Stop moving so fast, this is just a first date!

Miss M - so what you're saying that everybody HAS slept with everybody, and it's not by proxy?

Blogget Jones said...

Okay...she took her child on the date. The first date. The child she hadn't mentioned. Oh good Lord, what's wrong with that woman?

For me, I kind of assume that if he's over 25, he has a child. So, I wasn't surprised waiter-boy had a son....just that he hadn't mentioned that he's autistic....

Oh, I hate dating. Barbaric process it is....

And thanks for stopping by my blog ;o) Reading yours was delightful!

:o) BJ

The Chronicles of a Fashionista in PDX said...

The power of Photoshop! :) Voila! Front ass? No more!

Tequila Mockingbird said...

bring it.