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Monday, August 25, 2008

Why I'll never be a superhero

As promised, but probably not well received, I'd like to talk more about my superpower. Except I have come to the conclusion that it's not actually a superpower and it doesn't actually make me a superhero.

You see, superhero's can do things. Spider man can climb walls and shoot webs out of his wrists (Stan Lee probably didn't want to make the last one TOO acc
urate) and superman can fly and shoot lasers out of his eyes. What can I do? Making lots of poo unnaturally? The best I could ever hope for is to catch a purse snatcher running, poop in his way just before he gets there and hope he slips and falls.

That's why I'm going to have to add to my power if I ever wa
nt to become a superhero.

I'm going to have to learn how to projectile poop.

It's not going to be easy. I mean, my body wasn't designed for projectile pooping, it was designed to let it go gently so as not to break the porcelain. Being in engineering, I know that if I want to produce more pressure, I have to make a constrictio
n. Therefore, I have to attach a poop nozzle to my ass. Kind of like a fire nozzle but for poo.

I then realized that if I was to get a poop nozzle, I'd have to get my ass muscles into the proper shape to force the poop past the greater ass constriction, otherwise this might happen:
And I really, really don't want that to happen.

So in order to get my ass muscles in shape I'd have to hire some personal trainers. And who would know more about getting rectums into shape than homosexual personal trainers?

And then there's the ammunition. I'd have to think very carefully about what I ate. For example, if I knew my enemy was going to be big, strong and slow, I'd have to eat a box or two of all bran for the big bomber. If my enemy was going to be lite and fast, I'd be eating corn for that machine gun effect.

My super hero apparel would have to be appropriate for my power as well.
But then I realized this:

I'd be strutting around in a speedo with an open butt crack, with something that looked like a dildo sticking out of it. My two companions, Biff and Lance, would be flaming harder than Liberachi, and I'd have no choice to go by the name "Butt plug man" or "The Incredible Poop Man!" or "Anus McGhee."

That really, really isn't going to help me get a girlfriend.

And that's why I'll never be a superhero.

15 keen observations:

τ ħ€ ĐάЎđяёάmёя said...

Mr. "Anus McGhee"

I jus hoped in from Ne after reading ur interview abt relationship...

lol
and abt this post lol

u have given really a very good thought abt pooping and that too making it a superpower and i loved ur costume too....lol

u r hilarious..I still can't stop laughing...lol

man u r serious engineer :P

u r blogrolled :)

τ ħ€ ĐάЎđяёάmёя said...

man
can u jus check out ur feed...i m getting an update of 9 months ago....rather than the recent ones...

Knight said...

You would be a real superhero to the farmers of the world.
I kind of like the outfit but you are begging for ass rape. Maybe this whole thing should be kept quite.

Knight said...

quiet. quite quiet.

Grey said...

LMFAO ! Anus McGhee it is !

Miss Milk said...

Call me insensitive, but THANK GOD.

Jessica said...

LOL-I don't think you'll be able to recruit anyone to be there for testing. :)

Tequila Mockingbird said...

i'll never be a super hero cause i'm such a narcissist. they usually dont let narcissists be heroes. bunch of jealous fuckers

singlendacity89 said...

MIKE!!! HAHAHAH!! You are a mess! but you are MY MESS!!! You need to come and read your comments on the interview!! hahahah

Oh and I see Sourish has made it over here!! HELLO Sourish AKA Day dreamer!!! I told you he was a NUT!!

HUGSSS
NE

Mike said...

daydreamer - thanks, always good to have another fan that likes my random weird thoughts. Two things: I'll look into the feed, I dunno why it is the way it is. Also, you may want to think about adding an "ou" when you write about. Abt. Just a thought.

Knight - my ass is and always will stay exit only. You are very right. Right right right.

Grey - you could also go with Poop Shooter.

Milk - if you were about to get gang raped, you'd take my help even if it involved high velocity poo.

Jessica - you may be right.

Tequila - your power is drinking and making out.

Mike said...

Ne - yea, something is wrong with my brain, eh?

C.Rag said...

You have the power of Poo.

I have the power of the Cunt.

Welcome to the club of Awesomeness.

τ ħ€ ĐάЎđяёάmёя said...

adding ou with the abt...

I will defn think About it...but do check on the feed..coz now its 10 months old in just one day :D

and

Ne

yeah gal...

he is seriously insane..and I believe a man with humor is a man worth of getting honor :)

Keshi said...

Your Interview with Ne was superb..this only means ur already a Superhero...in that dog-attack-victim kinda white underwear. But we know u can pull it off Mike! ;-)

Keshi.

moooooog35 said...

Dude...

...you might want to change your Superhero outfit.

Those slits on the sides of the ass look like grab-handles.

Unless you want them to look like that.

In which case, may I be first to say congratulations on finally coming out of the closet.