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Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Spazoid's Politically Incorrect Olympics

The olympics are boring. It's degraded to a bunch of whiny pukes trying to hide their performance enhancing drugs while trying to call things like basket weaving and speed drooling actual competative sports. I have no use for that.

I wish there was a really cool and entertaining olympics that I could enjoy. Well, besides the special olympics. I just can't do any better than a guy with a severe case of downs syndrome doing the 400 meter hurdles filmed in slow motion.

But I can, and will try to be almost as offensive.

Therefore, I would like to start Spazoid's Politically Incorrect Olympics. I'm thinking of the following competitions, and more to be added at a later date.

The Indian Icecapades

This would involve taking people from India that have never seen ice, strapping skates to their feet and send them careening over an olympic sized skating rink. Great fun, but mostly for those of us watching.

The Saharan Breast Stroke

No, you won't find it in a karma sutra book. This involves taking the natives of the Sahara desert and making them swim. Again, great fun, but mostly for those of us watching.

The Devout Muslim Man/Woman foot race

Take one sour, radically religious muslim (must be out of shape), and put him in a foot race against a woman in top physical condition. Ensure a defibulator is nearby.

The Christian Missionary Position.

Evangelical Christians in a ring with African Natives. The first Christian to use the word "Jesus" loses.

Acrophobic Cliff Diving.

This one is self explanatory. Ensure you have lots of patients when spectating this one.

The Ethiopian Buffet

Let a group of starving third worlders loose in the Mandarin. The one who can be most creative in smuggling food to his family wins. Extra points for those who manage not to shoot morbidly obese North Americans in justified anger at the unfairness of the world.

The Orthodox Jew car race.

This one takes place on Saturday. Sure, the winner will believe he's going to hell, but who cares if it wins you a gold medal?

Douchebag teenager 100 meter dash

Ever seen a douchebag teenager with pants that have a crotch down around the knees try to run? No? You're in for an extra special treat.

The Nerd Toss

The football team vs. the chess team. One sided action of fun!

Ineffective Parenting.

Those parents who let their little turds run amok (most of them nowadays), are tied up in the corner and forced to watch their kids receive the discipline they so desperately need and don't get. This includes spankings. Society is the real winner here.

The Popes Wardrobe.

The person who shows up in the silliest outfit wins. Bonus points for hats more than 6 feet in height.

Annoying Twit Event

Competitors will go face to face with Rachel Ray. Those who are deemed to be more annoying than her win win win!

If anybody found the above events entertaining, you're going to hell. I'll see you there.




11 keen observations:

Grey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
τ ħ€ ĐάЎđяёάmёя said...

hehhehehehe

radical thoughts.....the only thing I would like to add..northern India have enough Ice :P

moooooog35 said...

No one...absolutely NO ONE...will win the Annoying Twit Event.

Rachael's had that one sewn up for years. She's a ringer in that competition.

Mimzie Beaumont said...

Yeah, Rachel Ray is on my list of people to shoot. One day, when it becomes legal to shoot people just because you feel like it, Rachel Ray will be mine!

Mike said...

daydreamer - Oh right, India has mountains. Silly me!

Mooooog - like anything in life, there's always someone better, someone up and coming. They just need to be found.

Mimzie - only if you shoot her with annoying acronyms she hates. Maybe borrow moooog's epoobs?

Jessica said...

Funny, as always, but some of those are just wrong! :)

Vyolet said...

May I apply to be one of the 'discipline' servers?
I could go bare palm but am happy to train with implements. ;)

C.Rag said...

The team sport, hot chicks making out. The judges will decide on technique & hotness.

singlendacity89 said...

YES! The parent one was GREAT!!! I will even help Sponsor this!!

They are allllllll A HOOT!

Ne

Indrani Bhattacharya said...

Mike,

The entire list was a hoot.

Thank you.

Even though north India lies at the feet of the world's tallest mountain range: the 'Himalayas' and there are mountain ranges along India's eastern coast, western coast and through the centre as well, the intensity of Indian summers in the region of the plains, remains unaffected.

Technodoll said...

What's wrong with hell, besides George Bush being there? And we can ignore him anyways.

I can contribute some pennies to forge new medals, if needed, as long as this gets me a front-row seat to all events.

Can I have my popcorn now?