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Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Penis Retreat

No, it's not a resort for homosexuals. It's what happens to your penis at a certain time of the year.

Yes, this is for all those looking to move to Canada from a warmer climate.

Penis retreat is something I forget about until this time of the year. See, as a man, and as a man that does field work on construction sites, there is something that I'm not only accustomed to but that I take for granted.

The ability to whip it out when and where I want and let fly, relieving myself and moving on with my field work. This usually isn't a problem. If somebody is walking along, I just have both the passenger and suicide door open of my truck and piss in front of that, making it look like I'm working on something when in fact I'm draining my lizard.

It's getting cold here. It's about 4 degrees and more like -7 with the wind chill. And I forgot it was cold. That is, until I opened my fly to let my penis out for a draining. But he wasn't there.

See, the cold hit him and he retreated.

He doesn't like coming out in the cold.

So for all of you who may be thinking of coming to Canada, remember this: It can get cold here. And when it does, don't go to the bathroom outside.

That is all.

12 keen observations:

Hungry Mother said...

Now that I escape the winter, I don't have that problem anymore. In fact, the opposite happens to me down in Florida.

Anonymous said...

Umm Yeah! My Nipples did not retreat in this cold weather they ummmm came out to visit..I did not know until It was Lunch time and I took off my jacket!



Mike said...

Hungry - but is it EQUAL and opposite?

Ne - hot ;)

Vyolet said...

If this is the beginning of an attempt to dissuade us from heading north then it does not intimidate Quinn. ;)

Mike said...

Vyolet - Just playing devil's advocate.

It isn't ALL sunshine and butter cups up here you know ;)

moooooog35 said...

I have this same problem even when it's not cold.

Wait..maybe what I have is worse.

Jessica said...

It's cold,eh?
What's with guys and their fascination with peeing outside?

Miss Milk said...

Reason Why Australia Is Better Than Canada #93,459,430:

The men can pee all year 'round.

Mike said...

Ms. Milk:

Canada is part of the commonwealth, just like Australia.

That means your education, or the one you're going to get, will be valid in Canada as well. You might have to write some tests or something.

Seeing as the next decade or two will see water as the new oil, you might just think about moving to Canada for a chance at staying hydrated.

Just saying ;)

Miss P said...

I plan to move to a similar climate, and I am now immensely glad, yet again, that I dont have a penis.

Mike said...

Ms. P -

Something on you gets bigger, which will be very eminent if you move in with me and are forced to follow the topless rule ;)

Miss P said...

True, but the circumstances under which that part of me would have to be exposed are more limited than yours.
And I think that if the topless rule is going to be enforces, I will wait until summer...