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Monday, October 13, 2008

I'll Say Some Shit

I don't have a clue what to write about. Nothing, nadda, zip, zero, zilch. So I'm just going to write the first thing that comes to mind.
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Ok so my brain is empty. Does that come as any surprise to any of you? But you know what I really don't like? I mean really, really really don't like?

Kids.

Those little turds go marching past my house and throwing their crap on my lawn. I don't want their crap. Fine, if they're done with their juice boxes, hold onto it and put it in one of the half dozen garbage cans littered throughout the school yards. You know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to go down to the Allen's Apple Juice boxing factory and I'm going to fill EACH AND EVERY ONE of their apple juice boxes with my urine. You heard me. And you know where I'm going to get all the urine from? Durrrrr I'm going to drink the apple juice and TURN it into urine!

Also, every chocolate bar and chip wrapper i'm going to cover in glue. Not the regular kind of glue, the stuff that starts sticking when warmed up, like the heat of one of their over indulged fat little hands. No, I don't need to do that to things like apples and carrot sticks, because our pudgy prodgeny don't eat good things.

And for those teenagers that loiter RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE EFFING DOORS to stores etc., I'm going to sneak up on the roof and hurl water balloons at them. But the baloons won't be filled with water, they'll be filled with the leftover urine I made from all the apple juice at the factory.

When I see a little douchebag thinking she's cool by wearing her pajama's in public, I'm going to put her in a sleeping bag and duct tape her up with a pillow strapped to her head.

When those disgusting little turds start having unprotected sex, making babies and young mothers who are a burden to society while the idiot fathers run for the hills, I'm going to remind them that the health unit gives out condoms for free. How? By going under bridges and along the trails, finding these turds and crazy gluing the condoms onto their hormone riddled penis's. Then, I'm going to take some of the leftover duct tape from pajama dumbass and strap the two of them together. Then I'll call their parents, the local clergy and their school newspaper and advise them where they are.

Then I'll hold the heads of school boards hostage until they actually allow the stupid kids to fail when they don't put any effort into their school work because they're too busy loitering and having unprotected sex. That's right, if you get a failing mark you'll ACTUALLY FAIL. And guess what else? The smart students who earn the awards will GET the awards. Yea, effort and smarts get the prize. You know why? BECAUSE LIFE ISN'T FUCKING FAIR. If school aren't fair, JUST LIKE LIFE, these little shitheads might actually be prepared for the real world instead of their dumbass little idealistic fairy worlds they think they'll graduate from where everything is OK and you get as many chances as you need and you'll graduate with a 60g a year job.

But what I'd really like to do is take these indulged little "me generation" turds and beat the adults who engineered this world with them.

Fucking liberals.

I hope I have internet access in jail.

12 keen observations:

Miss Milk said...

Wearing pyjamas in public? Loitering in shop doors? What's wrong with that? And unprotected sex? But it's so much more fun that way, and he doesn't like to wear a condom...

I'm kidding. Obviously. I feel like I should be sticking up for my demographic, but... Most teenagers kind of suck.

Not all, though. I know many nice ones. Have hope!

Tink said...

Anger issues much? ;)

Jessica said...

Hmm, I thought everyone did some loitering in their teen years!

I'm sure your cell will be quite comfy. :P lol

Mike said...

miss milk - I had hope for you until you and your boyfriend drove with a crack in the oil pan ;)

Tink - NO! NO I DON'T! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT!!! ;)

jessica - most likely padded.

Hungry Mother said...

I think a little of the Texas Tower is called for.

TechJoe said...

Enough is enough. You and I are going to build a motion sensing automatic pellet gun to mount on your roof.

Be fore warned you wont be able to walk out front your house when were done. I'm sure at that point both you and the dog will be watching patiently out the front window for many hours of the day.

Mike said...

Hungry - our pansie ass liberal government has restricted our clips to like 5 bullets!

Tech Joe - There seems to be a hole in your plan. Remind me not to hire you as a technician.

Miss Milk said...

Ouuuch.

Tazeen said...

//I hope I have internet access in jail.//


That was an absolute cracker ...

C.Rag said...

Our house is on the corner. And the neighborhood kids will cross on our lawn on their bikes. I'm getting a potato gun (I don't want to use anything more lethal) & I'm going sniper style from our attic window.

moooooog35 said...

Oooooh!!

Can you include the dipshit kids who wear their f*cking hats SIDEWAYS?!

"Dear White kid pretending to be Flava Flav:

You look like a stupid f*ckshit.

Signed,

Sarah Palin"

Technodoll said...

Bet most of the progeny is from republican crap, that's what... they're too busy bible thumping and protesting against abortion to mind their multitude of offspring, most of which are loads that should have been swallowed in the first place.

I hate kids more than you do, btw.

*end rant*