I'll say some shit about shit.

This post is dedicated to the Fabulous Ne - who asked for a rant after reading my last one. I hope you enjoy.

What the hell is up with farmers. Seriously. Just because they wade tit deep in poo does that mean we ALL have to have shitty nipples?

Granted I do a lot of driving on country roads for work. Country roads means farms and farms means poo spreaders, it's a fact of life. This time of year the farmers are busy spreading poo all over their fields in preparation for next year.

I'm bombing along at about 90 klicks, when Shit Heels Cliff burns out from a farmers field onto the road pulling his shit spreader towed by a John Deer. No regards, just bombs out, didn't even look. Or maybe he did, he just wanted to fuck someone over. And that someone was me.

His manure spreader wasn't loaded with the benign grassy smelling cow poo. No, it wasn't cow poo at all. It was LIQUID CHICKEN AND PIG SHIT.

If you've ever smelled that stuff, it smells like death. I slumped in my seat and my head hit the horn. Shit Heels gave me the finger.

Fuck face made a sharp left turn back into the field, spraying liquid pig shit EVERYWHERE. My truck was covered. COVERED!

Let me repeat that. My BRAND NEW (to me) TRUCK THAT I WAS LUSTING OVER FOR YEARS AND FINALLY GOT WAS COVERED IN LIQUID SHIT.

Ok, you know what? Maybe you're a farmer. Maybe you LIKE rolling around in poo. Maybe you even eat the stuff, I don't know, whatever cranks your yank. I don't care. But just because you like it, doesn't mean everyone else does.

So, farmers, here's what's what.

Wipe that smirk off your face. You know the one. The farmers smirk. And while your at it, take that retarded sticker off your '79 Dodge Dakota. You know, 'farmers feed cities'. OH! What a brain yanker! Farmers feed cities, dentists clean teeth, doctors deliver babies - hey! Guess what! Cities PAY farmers. So I guess without cities there wouldn't be a need for farmers?

The roads are for EVERYONE. Yea, that land beside the road is yours, so friggin what. You, your shit spreader and John Deer tractor do 3 miles an hour. I'm doing 60 in my vehicle. It won't take me long to get past you at that speed, trust me.

You're paying for my brakes, you f*ckSh*t's.

Also, before you drive on the road, you MUST realize your shit spreaders, even though empty, STILL HAVE SHIT STUCK ON THEM. Wash that down before you leave another forty pounds of shit on the road to stick to everything that comes by. I don't throw my empty Tim Hortons cups on your front lawn, so have some DAMNED respect and KEEP YOUR POO OFF MY VEHICLE!

Thanks Shit Heels Cliff! I'm going to poo on your chest next time you're assleep.

Ass face.