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Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Moogs Rachel Ray + Water

As most of you know, I have a new website, www.truthofwater.com. Mooog of mental poo has already asked one question to which I've given him a serious answer, on that site.

He's asked a second question which deserves much, much better, so it's on this horrible horrible blog.

That question is:

If there is water, water everywhere...but not a drop to drink...why is Rachael Ray famous?

Good question, Mooog.

I think we need to explore the similarities between the properties of water and Rachael Ray.

Density:

Water is very, very dense. As a matter of fact, even though water is liquid, it's actually about 8 times denser than concrete.

The average person is about 10 times denser than water, which explains why there are so many enthusiasts to this utter annoying twit.

Viscosity:

Just as with water, Rachael Ray is thick. The colder it is, the thicker it is, making it very difficult to scrape off the food networks horrible line up of fat people and inane sugar related programming. Oprah herself is experiencing Rachael's viscosity first hand, as she drank her in with one huge gulp and now is having trouble expelling her from the Oprah system.

Surface Tension:

As with water, once you get wet some always, always stays with you. Rachael is no different. Once that horrible, horrible image is seen by your eyes just once, just a little piece of Rachael comes with you. It's inevitable that her garish image pops into your head when you're having sex or masturbating, leaving Mr. stretch armstrong in desperate need of stiffness injection.

The Universal Solvent:

Just about anything dissolves with water. Just about any brain dissolves with Rachael. You do the math.

I hope this answers your question Moooog. Don't hesitate to write in at any time.

Your friend,

Spazoid.

10 keen observations:

Technodoll said...

I had to google Rachael Ray. Still not convinced she's real, to be honest.

Hey, go pick up your blog award on my site :-)

Jessica said...

LOL :D Today must be Rachel Ray day. Another blog I was reading said she looked like a man.

I'll say what I said over there...my dad really likes her.

I assumed that most guys liked her being that she's a bubbly cook, and all.

Funny, your viscosity description. :)

Miss Milk said...

I have no idea who that is but I'll despise her just for you.

I had to change my blog address, I accidentally let it slip somewhere.

It's now http://ohmymissmilk.blogspot.com

:)

Mike said...

technodoll - you've never seen rachael ray? WOW. Milky down there has an excuse, being on the bottom of the world and all.

Jessica - a bubbly cook, an annoying twit that doesn't shut up, you know.

Milk - consider yourself lucky.

moooooog35 said...

Thanks, Mike!!

Now I can die in peace.

Mimzie Beaumont said...

She's on my list of people to shoot when that becomes a legal option.

Hungry Mother said...

Rachel Ray should be water-boarded.

Mike said...

mooooog - don't die just yet, you have a lot of mental pooping left to do.

Mimzie - I think it's legal in Alabama.

Hungry - I'm glad your back man.

C.Rag said...

Secretly, Mooog jerks off to Rachel Ray & water.

Indrani Bhattacharya said...

Mike,

Humour apart, this post also taught me facts about water I hadn't known earlier; except for the 'Universal Solvent' point. We learnt that in chemistry class in school.

This particular feature of water - that of being a universal solvent - makes the mystical science of Astrology, categorize it as 'the strongest of the five elements'.