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Wednesday, August 6, 2008

I'm back - preliminary report on Americans

I'm back. And I'm also back at work. Bummer.

The dog was very glad to see me after more than a week, but she's also female, and like any female, she holds quite the grudge.
My impression of the average American was generally pretty positive.

I found most Americans to be quite slim:

Very intelligent:

From good breeding stock.

And right good looking:

I also managed to get an audience with George Bush while I was in Washington.

Stay tuned for my trip to the air and space museum and my visit to the local ethnic grocery store!

-Spazoid Out.

16 keen observations:

Miss Milk said...

Ahh, I expected nothing less. :)

The Divine Miss M said...

Wow - Americans really have evolved into a better species since I was last year.

Soon they will be the most advanced in the whole world.

Welcome back :)

Hungry Mother said...

Good to have you back. We're using people for storage of strategic reserves of energy now. As far as the IQs are concerned, the law of conservation of numbers implies that the total IQ must stay constant, so more population means smaller individual IQs. Just thought you'd like to know.

moooooog35 said...

Welcome back.

I've been trying to gain weight so I can have one of those sweet, sweet scooters to tool around stores in.

Fat is the new thin.

Mike said...

Milk: See Hungry's explanation below. It's a good one.

Miss M - Those were the republicans. I couldn't find any democrats... I think the republicans ate them.

hungry - kind of like one giant super bowl party, all year round, eh?

moooooog - all you have to do is walk around with a limp and drool all the time. No need to look disgusting to get one of those scooters, huh?

The Divine Miss M said...

Taste like chicken?

C.Rag said...

The fatties are everywhere!!!

That's why I want my Pretty Policy to be made into law. Fatties & uggos need to be deported.

Miss Milk said...

Yes, thanks Mike. I did see that - wel done Hungry, it explains a lot. :)

The Chronicles of a Fashionista in PDX said...

You know we like "livin' large". Speaking of livin' large I found this:

"PORTLAND, Ore. - A New York man who pleaded guilty to murder in Oregon in exchange for buckets of fried chicken will get calzones and pizza to go with his life sentence.

Tremayne Durham, 33, of New York City, admitted last month that he fatally shot Adam Calbreath, 39, of Gresham, in June 2006. Durham wanted to sell ice cream and ordered an $18,000 truck from an Oregon company. He later changed his mind, but the company wouldn't provide a refund.

The would-be ice cream man came to Oregon and killed Calbreath, a former employee of the company, while looking for its owner, authorities said.

Durham agreed to plead guilty to murder — but only if he could get a break from jail food. The judge agreed and granted Durham a feast of KFC chicken, Popeye's chicken, mashed potatoes, coleslaw, carrot cake and ice cream.

After Wednesday's sentencing, Durham was to get the rest of the deal — calzones, lasagna, pizza and ice cream, his defense attorney confirmed. They will pay the tab.

Durham also got married Wednesday in a civil ceremony at the Portland courthouse. The wedding to Vanessa Davis, 48, also of New York City, was not part of the plea deal that will give Durham a chance for parole after 30 years.

Deputy District Attorney Josh Lamborn said Multnomah County Judge Eric Bergstrom made the right call in allowing the unusual plea agreement because it saved the expense of a trial and possible appeals."

Only in America...

Anonymous said...

Yeah, us fat people love Walmart!

Jessica said...

Hey-we're not all like that! I'm seriously offended. :) Glad you're back safely. Your doggie looks a bit like benji!

Knight said...

So what did you do while you were here? Please tell me it was a mission to sterilize all people you came in contact with. I could use the help.

Anonymous said...


I have already told you I missed you and glad that you are back!!

yes I am offended!!! I feel that I have been stereotyped because I am an American! well, NOT REALLY, I just wanted to use the word Stereotyped! LOL!!

A lot of people let themselves go! and It is a sad thing.. BUT Nothing wrong with a lil meat on bones right?? If there is I need to go hang over the toilet for awhile!!!


Missed you Mike!

Mike said...

Miss M - you'd have to ask the republicans ;)

Cuntie - not to Canada. We have enough of our own, thanks.

fashionista - a bullet is WAY cheaper.

Mimzie - that's cuz a wallmart size small is a size large everywhere else.

Jessica - everybody calls her benji

Knight - i'm in the process of inventing the testicle/ovary zapper, we'll get together and test it out on unsuspecting idiots.

Ne: There's a difference between meat on bones (GOOD, anorexic people look horrible) and I need an electric cart only because i'm such a fucking fatass.

Christine said...

Hey.that's the father of my children you're making fun of buddy! I am very proud of both of the kids for graduating. Of course they were 20 and it was 5th grade but hell, firsts in the family and that is very special.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

i think i need to go work out now.