The I tag

I got tagged by Cinder-Single. I hate tags, but she's pretty, blond and female (that last part is the most important) so I couldn't say no.

I also just did a guest post on her blog, so go here and read it, please! It's some of my better work, I promise you.

Anyways, here is the "I" tag. I won't tag anyone.

I am : A humanoid male. Fear me, bitches.

I think : Not nearly enough.

I know : Less and less every year. Stupid old age.

I want : Celine Dion to get a permanent case of laryngitis

I have : A lot of fucking bills. Why is life so damned expensive? I guess it could be worse, I could be a muslim woman in Iran. Ok, I'm good, I'm good!

I wish : I had at least one perfect poop every day. You know, the kind that just slides out in one big mass and has almost no clean up after wards. OOOOO yea!

I hate : Celine Dion, not having laryngitis

I miss : The toilet when I have those 3 am pees sometimes

I fear : Being locked in a room while Celine Dion sings to me. Ugh.

I feel : I only have one emotion. I'll let ya'll know when I figure out what it is.

I hear : That damned Celine Dion on the radio. Why. WHY!?!?!??!??!?!?!

I smell : That damned bitch in the office that won't stop farting. Bitch.

I crave : Pizza. It's my one weakness, besides sushi.

I search : Internet porn. Come on, we all do it, admit it.

I wonder : Why the HELL Celine Dion is so fucking popular? She's HORRIBLE!

I regret : Losing the plans to that damned time machine, so I could go back in time and make it so Celine Dion was never born. Frig that woman annoys me!

I love : I'm not sure that's the emotion. See above.

I ache : After doing something stupid and injuring myself. That's why I live in Canada; no hassle health care.

I am not: EVER going to buy a Celine Dion album. EVER.

I believe : That purple unicorns fly out of my butt every night, and I'm going to make a religion around it that hopefully makes me richer than Catholics.

I dance : Like Corky from life goes on.

I sing : Horribly, so badly I'm not allowed. They've passed an international law.

I cry : I think I cried once in December of 77, when the doctor slapped me. I've toughened up since.

I don’t always : Hold my farts in. Farting can be funny.

I fight : The urge to .... never mind.

I write : About poo. Read my blog. Poo is funny.

I win : Who said! Fuck, hurry up, I'm still waiting.

I lose : insert am and add an 'r'. HA!

I never : Yea, that's right ho! (insert finger and black lady head waggle).

I always : Do a courtesy flush in someone elses home.

I confuse : I confusious! Because when I fart in church, I sit in my own pew!

I listen :To ANYTHING but Celine Dion

I can usually be found : Gangbanging with my homeboys, yo!

I am scared : Of theocracies. Gross.

I need : A fucking vacation already. The man's got me down!

I am happy about : Bunch of shit. Owning my own home, having an education, having regular bowel movements, you name it.

I imagine : Both of the Olson twins in my bed. You know, if they weren't crack whores and they were at a normal body weight. Ok, fine, Scarlet Johansen.