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Monday, November 3, 2008

My dog is worth more than your child.

Yea, my dog IS worth more than your child. And I don't care if you're an uptight bitch who has a problem with that. As a matter of fact, I CHALLENGE all of you emotionally unbalanced unstable and probably fat mommy bloggers to leave me reams of hate mail! Come on.. DOOOOO IT!

So why is my dog worth more than your ugly, lazy and probably fat kid?

It's very simple.


All the wrong questions are being asked. Questions such
as:

  • How are we going to feed all these people?
  • How are we going to clothe all these people?
  • How are we going to house all these people?
  • How are we going to do all this for the BILLIONS more people that are coming?
Here's the question that should be asked.
  • Why aren't all these billions of people eating, protected from the elements and living happy, productive lives?
Here's the answer that's so brutally obvious it eludes the consciousness of our planet wide population:
  • THERE'S TOO MANY FUCKING PEOPLE!
UH DUUUHH People! The earth is a closed system! There IS only so much! Starvation, war, pandemic disease, hatred, territorial dispute - all natures way of controlling the population.

And nature will win in the end. Make no mistake.

So instead of viable population control techniques, we have instead elected to eventually have most of our population die in the most horrible of ways imaginable.

So utterly idiotic, and so typically human.


But how does this all relate to my dog being worth more than your child? Very simple math, my overly zealous emotional friends.

Animals that have lots and lots of numbers over vast territories are not considered endangered, for obvious reasons. The human animal has lots and lots of numbers over the entire planet.

Therefore, we are NOT endangered and FURTHER that means that in the grand scheme of things, any INDIVIDUAL human is absolutely and utterly worthless.

Therefore, just because you think your child is
precious, it is precious only TO YOU. To no one else, and in the big picture, your child is worth less than the chemicals that make up it's whiny little body.

So, let's say that there are around three billion children on this planet. Let's say that there are about ten thousand border terriers.

That means that my one border terrier is worth three hundred thousand human children.

In a broader sense, if war breaks out the border terriers should be protected at the expense of the childrens lives, because they are worth more. We
can consider otherwise only when the human population becomes endangered. I give us about a hundred years, maybe less, before that happens.

To sum it all up, my dog:

The average human child.
I rest my case.

12 keen observations:

Hungry Mother said...

A little Malthusian logic ain't a bad way to end up a lovely evening. I'll dream of people starving to death.

Miss Milk said...

I'm sorry to disappoint, but I'm not "foaming at the mouth" and you won't be getting one of my "long winded retorts". I agree with you. And I've always thought so, since I was a wee thing reading the childrens' encyclopedias that put these ideas into my head. I've always liked animals more than people, and I've always thought that the balance of people/trees/animals/natural resources was really, dangerously out of whack.

The only thing I can protest to is the importance of YOUR dog. Clearly mine is more important still.

moooooog35 said...

You can answer all of these questions by using "dogs."

For instance:

Q: How are we going to feed all these people?
A: Dogs

Q: How are we going to clothe all these people?
A: Use the fur from dogs that we've eaten

Q: How are we going to house all these people?
A: Lots of empty doghouses now that we've eaten the dogs.

Q:How are we going to do all this for the BILLIONS more people that are coming?
A: Make more dogs.

Now I'm hungry.

Mike said...

Hungry Mother - your name is apt in this scenario ;)

Milk: You are a girl after my own heart. Standing up with your agnostic beliefs in the face of horrible bony fingered cathlolic teachers, and an understanding that humans aren't the most important thing on the plant.

If you were my daughter you'd do me proud.

However, I'm still going to have to make up some more "facts" about Australia to get you to rant. I like your rants.

Also, your dog is runner up to mine, clearly. Logically speaking, if your breed is all the way down in Australia, it's way more common than mine and therefore not quite as important.

As you know, all the important stuff happens in the Northern hemisphere.

Mike said...

Mooooog: Clearly your logic is wrong.

The answer we were looking for is "cats".

Thanks for playing!

she seems nice... said...

Sooooo....guess you aren't procreating any time soon???

Most days I prefer my dog over my children.

Tink said...

Ugh. Thank God the average human child doesn't look like that. We'd probably be extinct by now... ;)

singlendacity89 said...

I have thought about this since you posted this last night! and I am still 50/50 on this! LOL!!

Remember my statement about my Niece! But yeah I would have to say you raise A valid point here! lol

and yeah that kid ... (shakes head)
Speechless! and Like I said last night.. Jinx is sick of all the pics.. she wants to know wtf you are doing! hahah

See ya later I hope!
Ne

TanNinety said...

Then again, does "worth" truly exist?

But on a side note, necessity is the mother of all inventions. The fncking people in the world getting busy day and night and multiplying like cancer necessitate that we find a way to colonize other planets. How awesome would it be to fling poo in space or low gravity planets? Are the dogs of the world helping us in this cause? No. So I vote humans/kids worth more because they are willing to make it possible to poo in space.

Mike said...

she seems nice: most likely not

tink: babies are ugly. Sorry :P

Ne: Ok, I can make an exception for your niece only because I want to keep my testicles intact.

tan: That deserves it's own post my friend. Look for it ;)

Jessica said...

Dogs rock! :)

Knight said...

Unfortunately I think humans who really want a baby are willing to pay a shitload more then they would for a dog. Maybe a pure bread show dog. Hmmm...
Some people can do good tricks. If you bought yourself a chef and kept it in a kennel it might be worth more. I don't like people or dogs so it doesn't make much difference to me.